CHARACTER 1 LEFT BRAIN THINKING
Our brain’s left hemisphere is the primary tool we use to interact with the external world. On the morning of the stroke, those cells making up the network of my Character 1 left thinking brain were swimming in a pool of blood that rendered them completely nonfunctional. Besides losing a group of skill sets that were dependent on those brain cells to function, as I mentioned earlier, when my left thinking network went off-line, a specific part of my personality, a character that I had known for decades as my egoself, also disappeared.
When my Character 1 left thinking cellular network was incapacitated, I could no longer identify the physical boundaries of where I began and where I ended. I have to say that even as a neuroanatomist, I had never been taught that there was a group of cells in my brain that did that. With those cells off-line, I perceived myself to be a gigantic ball of energy that blended fluidly with the rest of the energy in the universe. I felt so vast that I believed I would never be able to squeeze the enormousness of myself back inside this tiny little body. As you might imagine, one part of me found this shift in my awareness amazingly insightful and exciting, while my Character 1 would have judged this loss of my self to be degrading—if it had remained functional enough to ponder the idea.
In addition to not being able to perceive the boundaries of where I began and ended, my left brain could no longer ascertain the edges or boundaries between anything else in the external world. As a result, I experienced myself as fluid, in flow with the energy of everything en masse around me. This shift in perception was possible because our left brain is designed to perceive differences and separation at the level of things, rather than at the subatomic level of the particles that make up those things. The latter is the realm of what we call our unconscious mind, the territory of our right brain.
THE FOREST AND THE TREES
On the afternoon of the stroke, I learned that the energetic flow of all mass moves so slowly that it cannot be detected by our left brain. As long as the left brain is focused at the level of solid things and is preoccupied with detecting the details that allow us to differentiate one thing from another thing, it cannot focus on the component pixels that make up those things. In other words, our left brain focuses on the details that distinguish one thing from another thing (trees), while our right brain focuses on the pixels that have no distinguishing characteristics and move as one (forest), as a part of the cosmic flow.
Because our two hemispheres process information in these two opposite ways, our overall perception of the world is a blended combination of the big picture (right brain) and the details (left brain). Like an eagle soaring from a great height, it can perceive the enormous landscape below and still focus on that vulnerable (and delicious-looking) prairie dog half a mile away.
When my left brain went off-line and I could no longer detect information at the level of things, to use the example of the eagle, I lost the ability to distinguish the prairie dog from the landscape. I could only perceive the pixelated atoms that make up space and exist at the level of the cosmic flow. Consequently, when I stood in the shower on the morning of the stroke, I could not distinguish the pixels making up my arm from those composing the wall. All I could detect was my energy, blended with the energy making up the space around me. My perception of myself bypassed all boundaries, and I literally became as big as the universe.
When the language centers in the Character 1 left thinking part of my brain fell silent, I lost all ability to communicate with others and even with myself. Not only could I not speak or understand when others spoke to me, but I could not distinguish letters or numbers as symbols that had meaning. Pre-stroke, I had known who I was because there had been a group of cells in my left brain that manufactured my identity as Jill Bolte Taylor. These cells that made up my left-brain ego-center knew who I was, where I lived, and tons of other details like what my favorite color was. These ego-center cells had worked day in and day out to keep me abreast of all the tidbits, details, memories, and likes and dislikes that had made up my identity. I, Jill Bolte Taylor, existed because the cells in my left-brain ego-center told me I existed.
When those cells of my left-brain ego-center shut down, and I shifted into the oblivion of my right brain, I had no idea who I was and I could not recall anything about my pre-stroke life. It was not as though I was missing a memory that I simply could not put my finger on; it was more like that memory (and I myself) had never existed at all. I know it’s a bit disconcerting to think that who we are is completely manufactured by a small group of cells in our left brain, and that we can lose ourselves at any moment, but that is exactly how fragile our ego identities are.
LOSING AND REGAINING MY CHARACTER 1
In addition to losing all of those very important abilities and functions, when my left brain went off-line I also lost the characters of my left thinking and left emotional cellular networks. Like a stove with the two left burners turned off, most of the cells in my left brain were still physically there, but they were traumatized and could not function. Without the linearity of time that my left-brain cells had so effectively engineered, all I had was the vastness of the present moment. Unlike the hero in the Hero’s Journey who willingly chose to set down the sword of his left-brain ego, mine was involuntarily stripped away. As I unwittingly shifted into the unconscious realm of my right brain, in the absence of a functional left brain I was rendered as inept as an infant.
The loveliest part of losing my left-brain emotional Character 2, which we will talk about in the next chapter, was the complete absence of anger and fear. Without any of the left-brain memories from my past overshadowing the present-moment experience of my right brain, I shifted into a state of blissful euphoria. Of course, as tantalizing as this experience was, the absence of my left-brain Character 1 rendered me literally halfwitted, and I could not function in the real world. (Mind you, while I was in that condition of ineptitude, I did not feel any alarm about it.)
Over the course of eight years of recovery, as the circuits in my left brain regained their functions and became strong again, my left-brain characters eventually recovered and came back online. My Left Thinking Character 1, as I mentioned earlier, wanted to take over and be the boss inside my head again. But although she had been both an effective and brilliant part of my pre-stroke life and I had achieved a high level of success under her leadership, I was no longer motivated by the external factors of money and prestige that she valued.
Although I knew I would have to earn a living again, my right-brain characters valued a more peaceful life, at a slower pace, with more time spent sharing deep and meaningful connections with my family and friends.
My mother had been caring for me post-stroke, and had just turned 70, while my dad was in his early 80s. Moving back to Indiana, where I could enjoy time with them while they were still alive, became my priority. I had learned how fragile life is, and the preciousness of true and meaningful connections took center stage in who I wanted to be.
Before the stroke, I had been proactive and willing to compromise my relationships by moving away from both my home and those I loved for the status and monetary gain of a career as a neuroanatomist at Harvard. Although I was truly grateful to recover the vast and important abilities of my left-brain Character 1, post-stroke I was no longer willing to choose the treadmill of work, work, work. Pre-stroke, my left-brain Character 1 had defined success through the achievement of external reward. Post-stroke, my right-brain characters found meaning through the internal standards of loving, being loved, and being in service to others.
I have named my recovered Left Thinking Character 1 “Helen” because she is hell on wheels and she gets stuff done. I have learned that I am completely dependent on Helen if I am to be a functional human being in the external world. However, as much as Helen would like to restore her crown and become the dominant character in my brain again, that’s not going to happen.
Helen is, by any measure, a fantastic character, and I am truly grateful that she has come back online so I can be competent again. But Helen is neither my friendliest nor my best self, so much so that when my friends call on the phone and recognize Helen is in charge, they say “Hi, Helen,” and lovingly ask if I will return their call later in the day.
LEFT-BRAIN CONSCIOUSNESS
Our left brain is designed to create order out of the randomness of the cosmic flow, and just as the eagle is capable of zooming its focus in on that prairie dog, our left brain is capable of distinguishing two items as separate from one another by examining their differences. Once our left brain identifies two things as separate, it can then organize and categorize those things, based upon their details.
For example, I can distinguish between a donkey and a boat because they are two very different things, sharing only a few similarities. With a little refinement, my left brain can tell a donkey from a monkey because, although they share similarities such as limbs and a head, there are still a lot of differences. With yet a higher level of refinement in my left brain’s ability to process details with an exacting precision, I can differentiate between a donkey and a horse. Although structurally they look a lot alike, I can identify their subtle differences and categorize them appropriately.
Besides the ability to differentiate between things, somewhere along the line our left brain manages to manifest both an identity and a consciousness. Without writing a dissertation, for our purposes I will define consciousness for the left brain as an awareness of itself and its relationship with the external world.
The primary building blocks of the physical world are things, and as I noted above, our left brain is the masterful tool we use to perceive a thing as separate from the background of the cosmic flow. Our left brain identifies individual things by shifting its perception in such a way that it can compare, critically analyze, and distinguish minute differences in the structure and texture of particles in flow. By focusing completely at the level of things, our left brain creates a new level of consciousness.
You might remember back in the ’90s when the Magic Eye stereo images became a fad. Two images were merged together into one image, and depending on how you focused your eyes, you could see either the most obvious two-dimensional image or the three-dimensional image that was hidden inside. The shift in our plane of focus that characterizes the left
brain’s perception is not exactly the same as what was going on with the Magic Eye images, but the principle is comparable.
In addition to viewing the external world at the level of things, through refinement and higher levels of differentiation our left brain defines the edges of where we begin and end as individuals. It does this by manufacturing a holographic image of ourselves so we can delineate between what is inside of us and what is outside of us. When this happens, our left brain perceives the physical world as separate and concludes there is an external reality and an internal reality.
The external world and our relationship with it move to the forefront of our focus because now we are separate from the whole. This means we are no longer safe because with life and separation from the cosmic flow comes the threat that there is now something we can lose, which is the “me-self” as the center of the universe, as well as life itself. Because we have become the center of our own universe, our left-brain ego-cells come online and begin organizing everything in the external world around our individuality.
With this shift of focus toward our relationship with the external world as separate from ourselves, the consciousness of the eternal flow remains, but shifts into the background. Focused on the prairie dog, our now conscious left brain ignores the background landscape, and the holistic realm of our right-brain perception is set aside.
With our left brain now manufacturing a new level of consciousness whereby we perceive things and our relationship with those things as outside of ourselves, we generate higher levels of order that eventually reach an advanced level of sophistication. The cells of our left-brain thinking Character 1 organize, categorize, count, list, and eventually name everything once they have structurally manifested language for communication with others.
As we saw in Part I, with the addition of our higher cortical thinking tissue, we humans have not only added new cells and circuits but we have achieved a functional consciousness that places us at the top of the food chain. By gaining the ability to think rationally, we have become able to create predictable routines and mechanically fit things together based upon their structure. These order-driven cells of our left brain account for both our reality-based consciousness and our elevated status.
By this point, our left-brain skill sets are well developed, and Character 1 storms in with the intention of ruling the roost. Our Character 1 is our power in the world and also the face we show: as we saw in Chapter 2, it corresponds to the archetype of the Persona, which Jung defined as “a kind of mask, designed . . . to make a definite impression upon others.” [1] As our alpha self, our Character 1 will compete when it is challenged and fight for what it believes in. Using its ability to discriminate between this and that, our Character 1 will define what is right or wrong and what is good or bad. In this way, our left-brain thinking tissue establishes for us a worldview and belief system within which we will make our decisions and evolve our life.
At the same time our left thinking brain is manipulating data in both linear and methodical formats, it is simultaneously laying down new neural connections in response to novel stimulation. Life is an ongoing event, and the more we learn, the more our left brain wants to learn. Neuroplasticity is the ability of our brain cells to rearrange which other neurons they are communicating with, and this underlies our ability to learn new material.
Because our brain is a product of both its nature and our nurture of it, we have the power to voluntarily change the cellular structure underlying our thoughts and feelings. For humanity this means that for the first time in the history of life on this planet, as far as we are aware, we have the power to direct our own evolution to a higher level of intercommunication.
Let’s do it with a full understanding about the different parts of our brain and the power we have to use our thoughts to change the anatomical structure of the cells underlying those thoughts. We can do this through meditation and mindfulness, of course, and by using the Brain Huddle we can strengthen the relationships between our Four Characters, making that level of open communication the norm inside of our brain.
CHARACTER 1 IN THE WORLD
Our left-brain Character 1 has the ability to be purposeful and intentional as well as thorough. By grouping things in repeatable and predictable routines, our left brain can construct a physical world that feels familiar, and thus, although we are separate from it, we can feel safe within it. Having gained an individual consciousness, our left brain becomes a true master at organizing things in space. We organize hierarchically when we judge one thing more important than another, we manage time such that we can be punctual, and when we make plans, we are organizing our behavior across time.
Character 1s wake up in the morning and see the day as something to be conquered. They are eager beavers who rise early, love routines, and thrive on crossing things off their lists. On the job, Character 1s are effective leaders and good at managing people, places, and things. They laser focus their minds on details and are extremely productive. They are highly critical of their own performance and consistently compare themselves with others. Every day is a chance to sharpen their skills, and it is important to Character 1s to bring their most efficient selves forward.
True to their nature, Character 1s must create order in the space around them, and they value neatness because appearances matter. Everything a Character 1 does is deliberate because if something is worth doing, it is worth doing well. Time has value, so Character 1s are not only punctual but often arrive a few minutes early. You can be certain that the Character 1s who arrived before you noticed if you were late.
Character 1s value material goods, buy quality products, take care of their things, and are sure to give you the stink eye if you don’t put the stapler back from where you took it. Our Left Thinking Character 1 is good at earning, organizing, and investing money and is excellent at both selfpromotion and confrontation.
By design, Character 1s are gifted rational thinkers with a strong mastery of reality, so they reason their way to their best decision. Because they have taken the time to deliberate why they think what they think, they take responsibility for what they do. If there is a perfectionist inside of your brain, rest assured it is your Character 1.
Thank goodness our human brain has evolved to have the Character 1 skill set. Because of their organizational skills in government, academia, and business, we exist in an orderly society. As a result of their natural abilities, as a collective species we have a neuron on which we can hang an idea. Besides being great at fixing things, cleaning up messes, and running tight schedules all at the same time, our Character 1 respects authority, obeys rules, and consequently tends to keep us from doing really stupid things.
CHARACTER 1 AT WORK AND AT PLAY
Let’s take a glimpse at how our Character 1 tends to show up in a couple of real-life scenarios. We will explore this character in action in much more depth in Part III, when we look at how the Four Characters operate in different areas of our lives. Please consider this a brief preview.
Note that as we observe our Character 1 in the wild, in some cases we will distinguish between our “Soft 1,” which occurs when our Character 1 is absent of emotion, and our “Hard 1,” which is generated in response to an alarm sounded by the deeper left-brain emotional tissue of our Character 2. As this implies, when played in isolation, our Soft 1 tends to be kind, thoughtful, relatively available, and a great team builder. Our Hard 1, on the other hand, is generated in response to an emotional upset of our Character 2. Consequently, our Hard 1 comes online feeling as though it is managing an emergency, because it is doing just that even if the emergency is only inside of its own mind.
Fortunately the majority of Character 1s that I interact with are Soft 1s, who are organized, competent, efficient, and also kind. Sometimes, if we are brought up in an environment where our emotional alarm is routinely triggered, our Character 1 gets trained to be a Hard 1. If you are willing to explore the motivators underlying your Character 1, you may find that you are a Soft 1. But if your Character 1 has grown out of the stress and anxiety circuitry of your Character 2, your Character 1 may be more of a commander in chief than a team leader.
Prior to the stroke, my left-brain emotional Character 2 existed in a high state of alarm, so my pre-stroke Helen was definitely a Hard 1. I remember how sitting in a boardroom would drive me out of my mind because everything took so long. And every time someone veered away from the agenda, I felt harsh judgment and literally felt physical pain in my body in the form of severe anxiety. My Character 2 was always revved up because of the trauma in my childhood, and being able to relax was not in my vocabulary. But after I had the stroke and that little Character 2 circuitry was wiped out, so was my sense of desperation and urgency. When Helen came back online post-stroke, she was Soft and much more pleasant to be around because she was no longer riding a full throttle alarm from my youth.
Character 1 on the Job
Character 1 leaders think linearly and start projects at the logical beginning. In order to understand the Character 1 as a leader in business, however, we must distinguish between the leadership styles of the Hard and Soft Character 1s. The Hard 1 will lead a group like a cattle driver who circles the herd and drives the working team with a prod from behind. The Hard 1 is the leader of the team, not a part of the team. The Soft 1, in contrast, leads a team like a shepherd who circulates among their flock, helping them as they go.
The Hard 1 leader is an influential critical thinker who leads their team based on vetted ideas and data. They value their team as a workforce rather than as a group of people. For the Hard 1 leader, there are real consequences for success and failure. They value reason and believe emotions don’t belong in the workplace. The Hard 1 considers emotions to be a vulnerable weakness, in both themselves and in others. They take pride in their ability to laser focus on work and see themselves as higher on the food chain than those working below them. The Hard 1 reinforces this separation of value by never saying “me too” or showing their vulnerable underbelly.
The Hard 1 leader is the head of the pack, not interested in connecting with the worker beyond the task at hand. They have a great poker face in the middle of chaos and uncertainty, so the team is never really privy to the true status of the overall project. Because the Hard 1 authoritatively directs the project from above and keeps the big picture of the project from the team, workers are kept in a small state of mind. This helps the Hard 1 maintain authority, as it is virtually impossible for anyone on the team to knowledgably challenge the wisdom of their leader when they don’t really know what is going on.
The Hard 1 has a preconceived expectation about what it wants to accomplish and is focused on the results rather than the steps the team has to take along the way. Hard 1 leadership functions linearly and piecemeal, so holistic solutions to fundamental problems may not be identified until it is too late. If the team does not have the bird’s-eye view of what it is trying to accomplish, and there is no road map for a successful execution, the team cannot predict or compensate for either minor or significant pitfalls when they arise.
As I noted earlier, the Hard 1 leader is driven by a state of agitation that is brewed at the level of its left-brain emotional Character 2. The Hard 1’s circuitry is triggered to protect its Character 2, which is caught in a repetitive loop of fear. If the Hard 1 pauses or fails, it won’t be able to outrun the monster that is nipping at the heels of its Character 2. Therefore rest and risk are hard for the Hard 1 leader, who is habitually up at 4:15 a.m. to get the edge on its competitor.
Hard 1 leaders are highly self-critical. When they score a win, they take it personally, but standing alone at the top of the project, the Hard 1 leader will still feel isolated and empty. They cannot be content, kick back, and be at ease because with each victory comes yet another mountain to climb and another monster to escape. Lurking just beyond success is the ominous sense of What’s next? And when a Hard 1 fails, they fail hard.
Hard 1 workers, like Hard 1 leaders, function well in a highly organized environment. They need to have a clear definition of what success looks like because they operate from a fear of failure. The Hard 1 worker focuses on the big win at the end rather than celebrating the little successes along the way.
You will get top performance from Hard 1 workers, but they do what they are asked to do and nothing more. They don’t have the insight needed to truly think for themselves or bring genius or insight to a project. But then, Hard 1 leaders are not interested in having anyone else involved in the thinking, as they see others as a threat to their superior status. As a result, a Hard 1 leader tends to work well with Hard 1 workers, providing those workers are not eyeing the leadership position.
When it comes to change, Hard 1s are a tough crowd unless they can use that change to promote their own advantage. For example, they will embrace new technology, like a shift in software or hardware, if they believe it will help them get ahead of the competition. However, although they will demand that the change take place, the Hard 1 leader will not be helpful in the execution of the change. Hard 1 leaders will endure the inconvenience of change as long as the end result gives them an edge.
Similar to Hard 1 leaders, Soft 1 leaders are strong thinkers, but they are compassionate in their understanding that their team is made up of people who both think and feel. Soft 1s lead a team with empathy and assume errors come from a person’s ignorance rather than from their incompetence. A Soft 1 leader operates from the conviction that everyone is doing their best work, which stems from their best thinking. Therefore, if a problem presents itself mid-project, the Soft 1 leader merely needs to tweak the team’s thinking to help everyone get back on track. The Soft 1 leader hangs around and is a vital part of the team, not separate from them, and is not afraid to say, “me too.” Workers feel like they are working with their Soft 1 boss rather than for that person.
Soft 1 leaders create a vision and provide a road map for their team, so each member understands their role in the project. The Soft 1 leader defines what success and failure look like right from the beginning. Because they do so, everyone on the team is clear about their job, and they can feel safe because they know what is expected of them.
The Soft 1 leader is hands-on, but not micromanaging. Under these conditions, workers feel supported and valued at every step of the way. That is why, under the management of the Soft 1 leader, workers take pride in their efforts and engage not only mechanically but emotionally. As a group they become invested in wanting their team to succeed to the end goal, and off they go.
The Soft 1 is driven by its need to do its best and to make the world a better place. As a leader, the Soft 1 is an active participant in the team’s overall dynamics. They keep abreast of everything going on in all of the departments, and in this way they shepherd the team forward. When it comes to change, the Soft 1 will embrace something like new technology, trusting that it will contribute to the overall success of the team and ultimately the company.
When a Soft 1 makes a winning effort, it is a win for the team, and the Soft 1 keeps spirit true by celebrating the little wins along the way. The Soft 1 views complications as opportunities rather than as failures, and thus minimizes the risk to each individual team member. Consequently, each worker feels safe to take their next step forward, and together they collectively advance to correct the wrong and create another small win. With every success the Soft 1 says, “We win,” in contrast to the Hard 1, who says, “I win.”
Soft 1 leadership sets up a congenial working environment where everyone can thrive and bring their unique expertise forward. For example, an audit by the IRS can unnerve just about anyone simply because of the fear of the unknown and the potential financial repercussions. At the same time, an audit is an awesome opportunity to have a professional check the accuracy of your system, free of charge . . . which is all good, providing they don’t find anything amiss.
But even if there is an error, an audit is an opportunity for an organization to hit the reset button for its financial accuracy. Although the Hard 1 would push through an audit, driven by the fears of their Character 2, which is being chased by yet another monster called the IRS, the Soft 1 would see the audit as an opportunity to explore with the team. Who has had experience with this sort of project, and how might they best prepare? The Soft 1 would then break down the responsibilities and ask everyone to set a timeline for their accountability. The Soft 1 leader capitalizes on the power of collaboration and shared ownership of the project.
The Soft 1 worker thrives in an environment that holds people accountable and on a timeline for their production, and then celebrates the little wins along the way. Under these circumstances workers know where they stand with a project, as well as where they stand with the boss, so they can feel safe, relax, and do their job. That being said, the Soft 1 worker tends to feel safe in an environment that manages change slowly, rather than a space that is constantly changing its needs and demands. Large systems like the government, major corporations, and academic institutions are all enormous ships that tend to change course slowly and pivot a few degrees at a time. Under the right circumstances, a Soft 1 worker will thrive on service, and even venture beyond their job description to serve the team.
Character 1 at the Beach
Character 1s will go to the beach with an agenda to relax, get some reading done, and enjoy the sunshine. They will bring a well-organized bag that is filled with all the lovely things they will need, including towels (and those cute little clasps to bind it to the chair), a drink holder, a book or Kindle, a phone, a cover-up, sunscreen, and their Warby Parker prescription sunglasses. They will arrive in brand-name sandals and expensive, stylish sportswear.
Character 1s will build a little beach station, a functional workspace that is in perfect order. They will have checked the expiration date on their sunscreen before they arrived and set a schedule for how much time they will expose each of their sides to the sun, based on the time of day and the intensity of the rays. Character 1s will move their chair like a sundial in response to the movement of the sun for maximum exposure, and they will know exactly how much reading they can get done before it is time to turn over. Character 1s are aware of those around them and take appropriate precautions to protect their electronics and other possessions in response to the unconscious migration of the children who are playing behind them.
Character 1s naturally attend to details, so sitting next to the trash is not an option. The Character 1s’ organized workstation could be here, home, or in a car on a road trip. They are well organized, take care of their things, and can bring along their little bag of goodies with them, no matter where they go. If they choose to play volleyball, Character 1s are competitive, so they will play to win.
When Character 1s hang out in a group, inclusion is important to them, so on the beach the group may be wearing matching visors and have the same beach toys but in different colors. Character 1s don’t want to stand out, so they set a schedule that ensures they will eat together, play together, and go to the bathroom together. And if anyone goes wild and gets a henna tattoo, they will all follow suit.
When a Character 1 is at the beach, their thinking left brain automatically seeks differences, so their eyes will compare different kinds of shells and notice the details of the local birds. They may even carry a little guidebook about the local fish and flora. If they find something special that they would like to collect, like shark’s teeth, they focus their eyes and comb the beach for just that. If they happen to see a dolphin, they will get excited because they will want to share that story and that experience with their pals.
A Snapshot of Your Character 1
Organizes Everything: Even my spice rack is alphabetized, and mystapler and scissors are put back where they belong.
Categorizes Well: The clothes in my closet are grouped by season, andmy garage drawers and shelves are labeled.
Is Naturally Mechanical: I am good at assembling IKEA furniture andChristmas presents for the kids. I really appreciate a good set ofinstructions, and a clearly written manual thrills me.
Is Neat: Appearances matter, so I check my clothes, hair, and makeupbefore I get out of my car or jump onto a Zoom call.
Plans Well: I run a tight schedule and leave time for the unexpected soI can be on time. I pay attention to quantities so there is always abackup in the closet or pantry.
Respects Authority: I know exactly where I fall on the ladder ofhierarchy. I respect those above me and may dismiss or be in charge ofthose below me.
Critically Judges Right/Wrong, Good/Bad: I strive to be moral, and itis important to me to be right.
Is Detail Based: I am excellent with details, exact with numbers, andan overall perfectionist in everything I do.
Counts Everything: Whether it is the number of stairs as I descend, theamount of money in my wallet, or someone’s failures, I am keepingtrack.
Is Protective: I divide people into we and they. I protect my we againsttheir they. We are right and they are wrong. We are better than theyare, and our needs are more important.
Getting to Know Your Character 1
At this point I encourage you to take some notes about your own Character 1. These questions are designed to help you identify with this part of your brain. The more familiar we become with our Character 1, the easier it becomes for us to recognize this character when it is present and to become this character by choice.
If you prefer to skip these questions for now and continue reading, please feel free to do so. I realize this level of personal reflection requires time, focus, and courage. When you are ready, these pages will be an invaluable tool for you to identify this part of your consciousness.
1. Do you recognize your Character 1? Pause for a moment andimagine yourself doing Character 1 tasks whereby you arecreating order. Picture yourself in your office, or planning anevent, or organizing things in your home.
My Character 1 is the consummate professional part of my brain, which thrives in the challenge of juggling multiple projects at the same time. She loves catching up on bills, chasing details for a presentation, and even keeping my taxes well organized. But my Character 1, Helen, is in a hurry, highly focused, and not my most patient self. She demands competence and efficiency from herself as well as from others. When Helen steps into a room, she assesses quickly who she needs to speak with, influence, or be influenced by.
2. What does Character 1 feel like inside of your body? Do youfeel relaxed or excited when you are busy tending to details? Doyou stand differently, or does your voice change? Do you feeltension in your chest, gut, or maybe your jaw?
Although I have a strong Character 1, this is not my primary type, so when I am running the circuitry of my left thinking brain, it is somewhat of a discomfort for me physically. Because my Character 1, Helen, is a bit uptight, her poker “tells,” if you will, include a recognizable furrow in my brow, and she insists on clenching my jaw. It’s pretty easy for just about anyone to spot my Character 1 because she speaks with a certain tone that is decidedly more monotone or interrogative than my usual vocal inflection. In addition, she is relatively stern and preoccupied with getting things done so I can cross them off the list.
3. What if you don’t recognize this part of yourself?
If you absolutely cannot identify with this character, that is okay. However, because each of these characters stems from the underlying brain circuitry, odds are good that you are wired for these skills. Neuroanatomically speaking, any neurological infarct or developmental disease that has the ability to wipe out cells or block our ability to access circuits could interrupt our ability to experience this character. This is, of course, exactly what happened to my Character 1 when I had my stroke. Fortunately Helen was recoverable, and she did come back online.
If you have not experienced a major brain trauma and you are still having a hard time identifying your Character 1, you might explore whether there was someone in your past who not only discouraged this part of you but perhaps even criticized, shamed, or belittled it. When we are children, we are completely vulnerable to the judgment of those around us. Both positive and negative comments from those we are dependent on hold the power to have a longlasting impact on who we grow up to be. In our attempt to not only survive but thrive in the company of others, it is natural for us to shift our behavior to match the acceptable demands of those around us. If it is dangerous for me to express myself in a certain way, I will not do it.
Once you begin to notice how and when your Character 1 expresses its skill set in your life, pay attention to what it feels like inside your body to be that part of yourself. Your Character 1 might show up as bright and bold. It might be extroverted and naturally bulldoze others, or it might be shy and diligent, not wanting to attract any attention. There is no right or wrong here, there is simply an awareness that this part of you exists. The more awareness you bring to it, and the more appreciation and validation you offer it, the stronger that circuitry will grow. In the long run, the more familiar you become with how this character feels inside of your body, the more power you will have to either step into or out of this character by choice.
For more insight into your Character 1 skills, you might just ask yourself: When do I assert my authority? When do I make decisionsfor myself or others? How do I organize my time, my food, or myclothing? What am I responsible for—perhaps a pet, or the groceryshopping? What motivates me to be punctual or to wear appropriateclothes? Is there order in my drawers or cabinets? How am I withmoney, and how do I nurture my friendships?
If you still cannot identify your Left Thinking Character 1, or if that part of you feels either unacceptable or a cause of embarrassment, consider combing through your past to see if there was someone, perhaps a teacher, parent, sibling, or even a friend who did not value your opinion or approve of you using your voice. Was there someone who insisted on being the voice of authority over you, or who felt the need to control your finances? Did anyone insist on taking care of the details of your life because they thought you were inept, or did someone keep track of your failures and then keep reminding you of your incompetence? The dance we do with one another is not always a healthy one, and although our Character 1 abilities are invaluable for living a successful life, it is possible for one person’s Character 1 to oppress another’s Character 1 through either harsh judgment or coy manipulation.
If all of that fails, you might consider seeking input from someone else—maybe a friend, spouse, or colleague—about how they see this part of you. They may have a stronger sense of your Character 1 than you do, or they may know exactly the condition of your car and drawers and agree completely that this part of you is pretty much missing in action. It is true that some people thrive on chaos and somehow manage just fine without a strong Character 1 even in a world that values order.
4. Assuming you can identify your Left Thinking Character 1,how much of the time do you let this character run your life,and under what circumstances?
As I mentioned, I have the utmost respect for Helen and her skills because she is awesome at what she does, and she makes my life run smoothly. However, there is a different character inside of me that I prefer to have as my primary character most of the time.
Let me say right up front that no matter which of the Four Characters tends to be dominant in you, we are all unique and our diversities are our strengths. Your Left Thinking Character 1 might be the best lead for you, but personally, I tend to want to spend a lot more time playing than Helen is comfortable with. That is why my Four Characters have put Helen on a schedule that all of my characters have negotiated. You may be just the opposite from me and choose to schedule your playtime, with your work time as your default. Rest assured: there is no right or wrong here, just as long as all Four Characters have an equal voice and can agree. For inner peace, all four need to be heard, respected, and validated.
My Character 1, Helen, keeps my life in order by making lists, but she does not create all the lists on her own. Instead, she has invited each of my Four Characters to cooperate with her. When any of my characters is aware that something needs attention, they add it to the list. Consequently, all of my characters work in support of Helen to help her be the best she can be, and that strengthens her resolve simply because she feels valued. When all Four Characters execute the Brain Huddle, which we touched on in the last chapter and will explore in depth in Chapter 8, they become a unanimous and fortified voice, leaving no room for temptation or procrastination.
If Character 1 is your primary character, hopefully you really like this part of yourself and know it well. Character 1s live in the real world, and they thrive when permitted to control details and create order in our lives as well as the lives of those around us. Just a heads-up, however: it is our Character 1 who tends to run our stress circuit, so it will be important for our other characters to help us stay healthy and well balanced.
5. As you think about your Left Thinking Character 1, can youcome up with an appropriate name for it?
Helen is my “hell on wheels” personality, and she totally rocks out the to-do list. Thanks to her, I know the boundaries of where I begin and end, and she is the home of my ego-self and identity. Because Helen is great with details, I know who I am, I remember my past, I learn from my mistakes, and I can find my way home.
How about you? What feels right for you to call your Character 1? What are three things you particularly like about this part of yourself?
6. Who are some of the Character 1s in other people over thecourse of your life who have influenced you, in positive ornegative ways? Was your Character 1 emboldened by theirCharacter 1, or repressed?
I’m guessing it will be easy for you to identify some of the influential Character 1s in your life. When I was a child, my mother, G. G., was nicknamed “the hostess with the mostest” by her peers. She not only ran our home like clockwork but she shouldered her college classroom and my father’s congregation of some 300 families. As a Character 1 overachiever, G. G. took the prize.
Having order in my life as a child was very helpful, but I can’t say I always liked it. If G. G. was committed to anything, it was training her children to have strong Character 1s. This proved to be an uphill battle since, as it turned out, my father didn’t have an ounce of Character 1 in him. However, with G. G. modeling a strong Character 1, and Hal modeling chaos, this combination really helped me value the gift my mother was trying to instill in me. Order is a beautiful thing, and it does make the world go around more smoothly.
Another really powerful Character 1 in my life was Mrs. Valerie O’Rear, my English: Advanced Composition teacher in high school. That woman absolutely terrified me, but for some reason, I performed better for her than any instructor before or since. She was both a big thinker and a detail monger who oozed with expertise. She gave us her best and expected the same in return. Even though she petrified me, she got my attention and I learned from her. Just look at me now . . . I write. Even though she is probably up in heaven moaning about my dangling participles and all those sentences I end with a preposition.
At the same time I can think of several insensitive Character 1s whom I probably could have lived without, even though they may have imparted valuable life lessons to me. When I first arrived at Harvard, most of my colleagues found my bouncy, friendly, and Midwestern enthusiasm refreshing. However, one of my Character 1 superiors made it perfectly clear that I was way too happy to ever be a serious scientist. I will admit that his unconstructive influence on my career may have been part of the reason why I was so motivated to win the department’s most prestigious research competition. Although he may have forgotten our exchange, it made it doubly satisfying for me to receive the award. As a side note, it really is important that Character 1s be conscious of how their hostile judgment might negatively influence others.
How about you? Who were some of the powerful Character 1s in your life, and how did your Character 1, or other parts of you, respond to them?
7. Who in your life appreciates, cares for, identifies with, andwants to hang out with your Character 1? What are thoserelationships like?
Character 1s tend to prefer the company of other Character 1s, both professionally and socially. They care about the same sorts of things and really value their like-minded peers. In the same mode, I
have learned that Helen is a unique duck, and not just anyone wants to be around her. Some of my friends who are strong Character 1s, however, are happy to team up and work on projects together, because there is nothing more productive than a committee of Character 1s who like and respect one another.
Consequently, Helen resonates well with my accountants, banker, and administrative assistant, but because Helen is a tool that I use to get my work done, when I’m not on the clock she fades nicely into the background. If you happen to be a primary Character 1, you and I are probably living very different lives. Having said that, thank you for making the world go around.
8. Who in your life does not get along with your Character 1?
When my father was 80, he flipped and spiraled a beautiful Miata convertible while traveling across the country. On that fateful day, I became his primary caregiver for the next 16 years. Prior to this accident, Hal and I were blessed with a fantastic relationship. We were friends, and we had a lot in common because we were both primarily energetic and creative Character 3s. But everything changed between us on the day of his accident. Instead of being his daughter and his pal, I became the authoritative female in his life, who looked like his mother and sounded like his ex-wife (G. G.).
Because of the accident, I had to step in to take care of Hal’s financial world, his medical needs, and everything else that lands on a caregiver. It wasn’t a job I asked for, but it was a job that fell to me as the only local child capable of doing it. The hardest part for me was that although my Helen had all the responsibility, she did not have enough actual power to protect Hal from being taken advantage of. In the big picture, Hal became resentful that he was now under my thumb, and he railed against the authority of my Character 1 when all I wanted to do was keep him safe. I’m sure he didn’t realize that the more he rebelled, the more rigid my Helen had to become to keep the order. It was a very unpleasant experience for both of us.
I’m guessing your Character 1 has also had some pretty challenging relationships, with family members, friends, or perhaps even a colleague at work. It is often hard for others to voice their appreciation for the way our Character 1s work on their behalf, and isn’t it refreshing when someone actually does express their gratitude? It is true that there may be a fine line between my doing you a favor and overstepping a boundary. I think it is important to remember that in general, Character 1s really are just trying to be helpful.
9. What kind of parent, partner, or friend is your Character 1?
Years ago I introduced a friend to her Four Characters, and she realized that she parented her two children completely differently. She showed up for her son as her creative Character 3, as she was his head cheerleader, and only offered advice when he solicited it. For her daughter, however, she parented from her Character 1, offering her opinion and consistently playing the devil’s advocate. My friend noted that her relationship with her son was healthy and carefree, but her relationship with her daughter was stressed and often contentious. She promptly chose to shift her parenting style with her daughter to include her other characters, and their relationship immediately improved.
As we take a closer look at our Left Thinking Character 1, it is easy to note that this part of ourselves may appear as a bit cold, robotic, or emotionally unavailable. That is because this part of our brain is specifically designed to create order out of the disorder in the world around us. In its most pure form, our Character 1 is not designed to express emotions. Instead, as we discussed in Part 1, our left-brain thinking tissue Character 1 has been added on top of the left-brain emotional tissue specifically to refine and temper our potentially disgruntled Character 2. As a result, our Character 1 can often be found parenting, supporting, or even disciplining our own Character 2.
10. How kind is the relationship inside your head between yourCharacter 1 and your other characters?
I may be jumping a little ahead of myself because we have not yet fully examined all Four Characters in detail, but my guess is that you are probably gaining a pretty good sense of how they each show up in your life. I am a true believer that the most important relationships we have are the ones that are being carried out inside of our own head. As a result, it is really important that we consider how your Character 1 views and interacts with your other characters.
When I was in early elementary school, I was sent home for wearing a striped shirt with plaid pants. Apparently the other little girls’ Character 1s were offended by my mismatch, and the teacher thought it would be wise for me to change because they were belittling me. My little Character 3 didn’t understand what the problem was because, from my perspective, I was happy wearing my favorite top with my favorite pants. My little intuitive right brain was not even capable of considering that this could be either a sensory violation or remotely problematic.
It wasn’t until my college years that Helen came online full force. This makes sense because I was away from home for the first time, and G. G. was no longer convenient to keep the order in my life. Frankly, if I did not want to live like a total slob, I had to show up for myself and start taking care of things. I will admit that it didn’t happen naturally for me until I fell in love with the study of anatomy, and academic success demanded a high level of order.
Predictably, the more organized and structured I became, the more I studied and the better grades I made. To my dismay, however, my left-brain Character 1 suddenly judged my fencing and tennis playing as a complete waste of time. Helen came on strong and found my more relaxed characters as unruly or disagreeable. At some unique time for each of us, we must learn to graciously negotiate the division of time we spend between work and play. I know that for many of us, finding this balance is one of our greatest ongoing personal challenges.
Cheat Sheet: Get to Know Your Character 1
- Do you recognize your Character 1? Pause for a moment and
imagine yourself doing Character 1 tasks whereby you are creating order. Picture yourself in your office, or planning an event, or organizing things in your home.
- What does Character 1 feel like inside of your body? Do you feel
relaxed or excited when you are busy tending to details? Do you stand differently, or does your voice change? Do you feel tension in your chest, gut, or maybe in your jaw?
What if you don’t recognize this part of yourself?
Assuming you can identify your Left Thinking Character 1, how
much of the time do you let this character run your life, and under what circumstances?
- As you think about your Left Thinking Character 1, can you come
up with an appropriate name for it?
- Who are some of the Character 1s in other people over the course
of your life who have influenced you, in positive or negative ways? Was your Character 1 emboldened by their Character 1, or repressed?
- Who in your life appreciates, cares for, identifies with, and wants
to hang out with your Character 1? What are those relationships like?
Who in your life does not get along with your Character 1?
What kind of parent, partner, or friend is your Character 1?
How kind is the relationship inside your head between your
Character 1 and your other characters?
1 C. G. Jung, Two Essays on Analytical Psychology (London: Routledge, 1992), p. 192.