CHARACTER 2 LEFT BRAIN EMOTIONAL
On the morning of the stroke, the cells in my left-brain Characters 1 and 2 experienced severe trauma and went completely off-line. Seventeen days following the stroke, the surgeons went in to remove a blood clot that was the size of a golf ball. That hemorrhaged blood had been pressing against my left-brain tissue, displacing the cells as well as blocking their communication.
Although some of the cells in my left-brain thinking Character 1 that knew how to calculate mathematics died from the trauma, within a month following surgery, many of the other Character 1 cells began to recover and communicate again. It would take eight years for all of my old Character 1 files to come fully back online, but in the case of mathematics, although I did get some skills back, I am no longer performing sophisticated proofs and equations. My left-brain emotional Character 2, on the other hand, was wiped clean like a motherboard and never recovered. Consequently, the trauma of the stroke forever stripped me of my emotional past.
As mentioned in Part 1, when we recall really fantastic or traumatic experiences, it is common for our thinking memory to be linked to our emotional memory. For example, when I was four years old, John F. Kennedy died. I remember that I was playing at a neighbor’s house, and they sent me home when the news of the assassination first broke. I was too young to understand what a president or an assassination was, but I remember walking into my family home and feeling an odd sense of doom. I’m not sure if I had ever seen my mom cry before, and I remember feeling confused and scared.
Pre-stroke, when I recalled that day, I could replay the cognitive memory mixed with those feelings of doom. Post-stroke, however, when my Character 1 recalls the thinking memory of that day, my emotional Character 2 has no emotional content to contribute to the memory. Although I can remember that I felt a certain way, I cannot recapture the feeling anymore. To give you another example, one of the most important days of my life was when I graduated with my doctorate degree. Although I remember feeling tremendous pride that day, my recollection of that event is emotionally void.
As I noted earlier, the primary distinction between the brain of the human versus other mammals is the addition of the thinking tissue of both our leftbrain Character 1 and our right-brain Character 4. As we have discussed, each of these thinking characters came online to directly modify and refine the underlying emotional limbic tissue of our left-brain Character 2 and our right-brain Character 3.
However, in order to truly understand who our emotional characters are, we need to understand that they have evolved to refine and modify the underlying structures of our reptilian brain. In fact, the neuroanatomical difference between a reptile and a mammal is the addition of this emotional tissue, just as the difference between the human and other mammals is the addition of our Character 1 and Character 4 modules of thinking tissue.
OUR REPTILIAN BRAIN
When we examine the functions of our reptilian brain stem structures, we can be grateful for their high level of automation. Thank goodness we do not have to tell our heart to beat or encourage it to race faster in the face of danger. Consider how exhausting it would be if we had to consciously remind ourselves to breathe. Our reptilian inheritance specializes in these fundamental activities, as well as regulating our body temperature, managing our balance, and driving our need to mate.
From a psychological perspective, our reptilian structures are all about our instinctual survival, and many of these circuits operate like on/off switches. Because these functions are necessary for our survival, the reptilian part of our brain is both rigid and compulsive, in that once a circuit is turned on, it will stay on until it is either satiated or exhausted. For example, I feel hunger until it is satisfied. I am thirsty until my thirst is satiated. It is fascinating to me that this part of my brain has to tell me to stop drinking water or I will drink myself to death.
Thanks to my brain stem cells, I am not tired until my brain shuts down my alert response and floods me with neurochemicals that make me sleepy. When I wake up, it is because I have an amazing group of cells specifically designed to arouse me. If something should happen to those cells and they stopped functioning, I might sleep my life away as if I were in a coma, because, well, I would be in a coma.
At this most fundamental level of information processing, I breathe because there is a group of cells in my reptilian brain stem that tell my diaphragmatic muscle of respiration to contract, and in response to that pull, air is sucked into my lungs. If those brain stem cells should be destroyed, I would die unless I was placed on a ventilator to help me breathe.
The cells at the level of our brain stem respond to incoming stimulation by triggering fixed patterns of behavior. At the same time, certain groups of these brain stem cells will determine whether we are attracted toward something or repelled by it. Think about your response the last time you felt something crawling on your skin. Your reflexive responses were a byproduct of your reptilian brain and spinal cord connections that acted to swipe that creepy crawler off your body. Then almost immediately you probably felt an emotion like disdain flash through you. This is the ongoing one-two punch of these two different groups of circuits: the unconscious, automatic action of the brain stem immediately followed by an emotion that later infiltrates our consciousness.
The spinal cord is a well-organized structure that functions like a multilane highway for the transportation of very specific forms of sensation up to the brain stem, and motor action down from the brain stem. Different lanes carry unique forms of sensation up from the body to the complex area of the brain stem for processing. Some of the unique sensations include our fast-track pain fibers that transport acute pain, like one might feel in response to a predator’s bite. As the name implies, intense pain will fly up from the site of the wound into the brain stem at record speed and automatically trigger a constellation of predictable responses that include vocalization (screaming bloody murder) along with a fight response for counterattack or push away. In comparison, our slow-track pain fibers carry dull or aching pain (like the type we feel with a chronic muscle problem) up to a different cluster of brain stem centers, triggering appropriate responses like stretching or reaching for a pain medication.
FEELING CREATURES WHO THINK
A lot of neuroscience research has been dedicated to mapping the connections between the cells in the brain stem and higher brain structures. At the same time, it has been challenging for scientists to tease out the whole story of what exactly is going on at this juncture between our brain stem cells and the newly added-on emotional tissue of our mammalian limbic system. Although we are quite clear on the function of many of the brain stem cell groups, because of the sheer density of fibers in this area, combined with the limitations we have in performing tracking research on living humans, some connections remain a mystery.
We do know that when the brain stem transfers its well-organized data up to the emotional tissue of our Characters 2 and 3, it is their job to modify and refine that data by streaming it through the filter of emotion. As we are feeling creatures who think, rather than thinking creatures who feel, our left-brain emotional Character 2 will eventually transfer much of its information up to our Left Thinking Character 1, while our right-brain emotional Character 3 will send its information up to our Right Thinking Character 4. Our two thinking brains will then regulate those emotional characters, as well as share their unique temporal modes of consciousness.
The limbic emotional cells positioned in our two hemispheres receive direct inputs from our reptilian anatomy. However, although our left and right emotional brains receive the same information from our brain stem cells, they process it in very different ways. To put it as simply as possible, our brain stem (including the midline midbrain region) sends information directly to the emotional cells of our two amygdalae. We have one amygdala in each of our two cerebral hemispheres, and it is their job to make an automatic threat assessment, based on how something feels.
At a most basic level, it is the job of our amygdalae to conceptually ask moment by moment, “Am I safe?” This safety may be either physical or emotional. The left amygdala tissue of our Character 2 module receives the information about the present moment and then immediately compares that information with our past experiences. For instance, let’s say that when I was young, I had a bad experience with a bully who was tall and skinny, had blond hair, and wore a red ball cap. If at some point in the future I should run across another person who resembles that description, it would be the job of my left-brain emotional Character 2 amygdala to recognize those traits and sound my internal alarm.
Our right amygdala, on the other hand, does not compare our presentmoment experience to our past. Instead, as we will see in the next chapter, it is completely focused on the richness of the experience of the right here, right now, present moment in all of its glory. Because our two emotional systems simultaneously assess our external level of threat in opposite ways, we reap the combined benefits of both: the big picture of the right here, right now as well as our wisdom from past experience.
It is critical to recognize that this divergence in how our two emotional brains assess threat gave rise to the duality of our two unique forms of consciousness. Our right-brain emotional Character 3 would dwell consistently in the conscious realm of the present moment and always perceive itself in direct relationship with the cosmic consciousness of the universe from which it came. But as soon as the consciousness of our leftbrain emotional Character 2 shifted into the temporal realm of the past, it defined itself as an individual in the three-dimensional external world, no longer caught up in the flow of the whole but instead rendering itself as isolated and alone.
Henceforth, our right and left brains would forever evolve on separate yet parallel tracks of consciousness and exist in duality. Our right brain would evolve to be the home of our feminine, yin, and grace of the cosmic right here, right now, while our left brain would develop masculine, yang, and ego-centered traits based on our individuality and past experiences.
In general, when stimulation streams into our two amygdalae from our brain stem cells and enough of that information feels familiar, we feel safe and calm. However, as soon as one of our amygdalae perceives something as threatening, our danger alarm is triggered and our fight, flee, or freeze response is engaged. Because our two emotional systems are fundamentally different in how they process information and what they value, our emotional Characters 2 and 3 are equally different not only in what they perceive to be a threat, but also in how they automatically react. As a result, our two emotional brains are uniquely wired, and these differences have the potential to register as internal emotional conflicts.
Consider what is going on in your brain right now. Look up and look around, and then ask yourself: How does it feel to be in the space you are in? Is it an inviting place where you can feel comfortable, relax, and nurture yourself, or are you fighting a gnawing urge to clean up that mess over there so you can concentrate? Our two ways of feeling in the world are in action during every moment, and we tend to bounce quickly back and forth between them. Are we experiencing an emotion about something related to the past, or are we experiencing an emotion that is a response to the present moment and not influenced by the past?
ANXIETY AND FEAR
Physiologically speaking, just as our reptilian brain processes pain, aggression, pleasure, and our drive to mate, our two emotional brains are each committed to our self-preservation. They both seek to regulate our body’s response to emotional stimulation and activate our fight, flight, or freeze automatic response, as they deem appropriate. The cells of our emotional system have the ability to increase our heart rate when we are nervous, afraid, or excited, as well as influence both the rate and depth of our breath.
In addition, we are completely dependent on our emotional tissue, specifically the cells of our hippocampi (one in each hemisphere), to create memories. It is important to note that our amygdalae have an antagonistic relationship with our hippocampi, in that when our amygdalae sound the alarm, our hippocampi shut down and we are no longer capable of learning and memorizing new information because we are too busy managing an emergency. Imagine how impossible it would be for a child who is living with high stress (amygdala alert) to try to learn anything at all when her learning brain has neuroanatomically shut down.
At a fundamental level, our emotional brains speak volumes to us through their expression of fear and anxiety, which run on different circuits and are generally triggered by different types of events. Fear is a strong emotion that is most often triggered in the present moment (right brain), in response to a known, definite, and immediate threat. For example, if I am walking through the woods and almost step on a snake that is slithering across the path, because I am terrified of snakes, my fear response will be instantly triggered. When this happens, I feel an intense flush of freak-out, I squeal like a pig, my heart races a million miles an hour, and I jump backward because blood has instantly rushed into my flailing arms and legs. My eyes dilate as I frantically look about to see where that petrifying thing just went. And, oh yes, to my complete embarrassment, I had forgotten that I was chatting on the phone with my pal, who probably heard the whole event and is now either laughing or terrified for me. All depending on which character in her brain is more dominant.
Although we also feel anxiety in the present moment, it is generally triggered by an experience or trauma that has already happened in the past (left brain) or we are anticipating that it will happen at some unknown time in the future. Anxiety feels like an overall body agitation that is accompanied by a feeling of despair or self-doubt. It is often triggered by a worry, fret, or concern that something unpredictable, unpleasant, or dangerous is lurking around, and thus we feel physically or emotionally vulnerable. Back to the example of that snake encounter, once the chemicals of fear have flushed through me and then dissipated from my bloodstream (90 Second Rule), I now run my anxiety circuit with the worry that I may come face-to-face with another snake, and I cannot shake this feeling of imminent peril.
It is so important to note that although we may be able to train our rational thinking left-brain Character 1 to override an automatic fear response, at the level of our neurocircuitry, we are feeling creatures who think. Denying our feelings can be detrimental to our overall health, and pent-up emotions tend to fester and stimulate our left-brain stress response, making it impossible for us to relax and find peace.
Although a rational cognitive left-brain Character 1 that values its selfcontrol is a beautiful thing, when we train ourselves to ignore our emotions, or disregard what we feel as not valid, like a drainpipe that can get clogged up, those emotions will seep out one way or another. When the emotional pain of our Character 2 is not listened to or validated, it has the power to manifest as physical disease. As a result, it is our emotional Character 2 that often holds the key to our physical and mental well-being.
THE KEY TO OUR PEACE
Getting to know our Character 2 and learning how to nurture it with all of our characters in the Brain Huddle is how we will become healthy. I like to think about our left-brain emotional Character 2 as our superhero because it was so mighty that it was willing to shift out of the known, away from the familiar, away from its connection with God, the Infinite Being, the cosmic consciousness—whatever you are comfortable calling it—to exist in a whole new realm of consciousness as an isolated individual. Our Character 2 sacrificed its own peace of heart so we could evolve.
This willingness of our Character 2 sits at the core of our ability to process information linearly. Because we can break time down temporally into a past, present, and future, we have gained a new level of consciousness with the capacity to manifest order in the external world, which our Character 1 has mastered and refined to an artful extreme. When our Character 2 shifted out of the peaceful bliss of the present moment, it landed face-to-face with all the threats and monsters in our external reality. Including our potential for death, pain, or sickness, which lurk in our consciousness as an unpleasant possibility in every next moment.
It is this audacious Character 2 who faces our deepest fears and sounds our alarm for danger in the only way it knows how. It wails, it whines, it cheats, it schemes, it self-loathes, it gets jealous, it gets angry, it feels guilt and shame, and it acts out in a million antisocial ways to get our attention. Our left- and right-brain emotional Characters 2 and 3 can throw a temper tantrum at any age because the cellular networks of our emotional system never mature.
In addition, the cell bodies of our emotional brains are already in position and relatively well hooked up in circuits by the time we are born. As a result, we are wired to express ourselves emotionally as soon as we arrive in the external world. This is not true for our thinking cells. Although the cell bodies of our thinking characters have migrated into their position in the six-layer cortex by the time we are born, it will take years for those cells to interconnect. This is why it is so important that we purposefully stimulate the brains of our children with an enriched environment, early on.
The primary job of our emotional Character 2 is to filter out immediate danger and simultaneously help us focus our attention. These cells act by making comparisons and then attracting us toward things we want and repelling us away from things we don’t want. At a cellular level, the power of our human brain is in our ability to inhibit automated circuitry and discern which circuits we want to run, versus which circuits we view as a distraction.
Say, for example, that we have a million thoughts and emotions bouncing around inside of our brain. Because our Character 2’s power resides in its ability to inhibit and instinctively shut information out, it automatically narrows our focus. Combine this natural instinct and ability to push things away and say no with a predominantly discontent character who sacrificed its connection with the blissful cosmic consciousness of the universe, and you end up with a character who, at its core, is the source of our default oyvey . For many of us, we will spend the rest of our life trying to rediscover that feeling of eternal connection that we lost when our Character 2 opted to live in the illusion of the external world.
Living life with a suspicious and discontented Character 2 is one of the prices we pay to have a consciousness that is capable of focusing on the external world. At the same time, however, our Character 2 is also the source of our deepest and most profound emotions. Among others, we have the capacity to feel overwhelming loneliness, become completely enveloped by grief, and love more deeply than we could ever imagine. When we hurt, or hate, or feel completely possessed by jealousy or rage, these emotional experiences are both powerful and delicious.
I always share that I don’t mind if someone is miserable as long as they remember to enjoy it. The ability of our brain to manufacture an experience of misery is a total art. We all hurt, and having the emotional capacity to experience true suffering is an amazing part of being alive. We just get into trouble when we spend too much time running that circuitry, believing that it is our truth, rather than realizing that it is simply a group of cells running a circuit. I feel pain. I am not the pain.
There is a mountain of neuroscience research that supports the idea that our left brain is the source of our happiness, and I agree with this completely. I do want to point out, however, that happiness is not the same as joy. Although both happiness and joy are positive emotions, they are very different psychologically and neuroanatomically. As many have observed, joy is cultivated from within. It comes when we make peace with who we are, why we are, and how we are, whereas happiness is contingent on external things, people, places, thoughts, and events. Because our experience of happiness is dependent on external circumstances, our Character 2 is the natural underlying circuitry of that happiness, or lack thereof. Our source of true joy is our right-brain Character 3, which we will expound upon in the next chapter.
For many of us, when our Character 2 is negatively triggered, because this is a part of our stress circuitry it tends to feel like a bolt of anxiety, fear, or emotional pain. Instead of our being in control of this character and choosing to run it on purpose, this character is apt to leap right in and almost violently take over our consciousness. Once Character 2 has stormed into our psyche, getting into another character requires a plan. This is clearly the perfect time for our Four Characters to take a Brain Huddle. Learning to master getting this character supported and instantaneously under control is the key to successfully managing our emotional reactivity.
Who among us has not secretly wished that we could just pluck this Character 2 part of our brain right out so we could escape our emotional pain from the past? Who among us has not sought therapy or guidance from professionals to help us fix, manage, or psychoanalyze why we are the way we are and why we feel the way we feel? And, most importantly, what might we do to heal it? The billion-dollar question, supported by a multibillion-dollar industry, is this: What are the strategies we can use to save ourselves when we realize we have devolved into our Character 2’s emotional reactivity?
In the absence of my own left-brain Character 2, which had anchored me in the external world at an emotional level, my ego-self disappeared and with it all of the personal content of my identity. Consequently, I no longer existed as an individual who was separate from the flow of the universe, and I knew nothing about my life. Interestingly, my mother, G. G., even lost her “mother power,” because not only did I not know who she was but I didn’t know what a mother was. With no language available for me to label anything, or any individuation of things in the external world, it was impossible for me to think abstractly. By anyone’s definition, I had become an infant in a woman’s body.
Following brain surgery I did regain the ability to experience new emotions, but I had to learn all over again how to label the feelings I was experiencing. I remember describing the elements of feeling a pain in my chest. My heart was racing, there was a cramping in my jaw, the hair prickled at the back of my neck, my hands were gripped into fists, and sweat was pouring out of me. I felt like a wild, pacing animal, and I wanted to strike, bite, and go on full attack. My mother labeled that constellation of events as anger, and from that point forward I could detect the instant my anger circuitry was triggered.
For the life of me, however, I could not understand why anyone would choose to engage with their anger circuitry and let it run, since it felt so violent and unhealthy inside of my body. By paying attention to the early signs of the trigger, I realized that I had the power to control it, by shutting it all down before it blew. However, as time progressed and my Character 2 recovered, I realized that if the circuit was triggered, it took less than 90 seconds for that specific neurological loop to run and then completely dissipate.
CHARACTER 2 IN THE WORLD
As I present various characteristics of our left-brain emotional Character 2, if you are familiar with Carl Jung’s archetype the Shadow, you will probably recognize a lot of similarities between the two. The Shadow is often described as the unknown, dark side of our personality, while our Character 2 often presents itself as the unsavory or most deeply pained part of our unconscious left brain. At its worst, this part of our brain is emotionally reactive to the external world and does not accept responsibility for its behavior. It is also inclined to sacrifice its future, as it is blinded by the pain from its past.
If you are versed in John Bowlby’s Attachment Theory, which analyzes a child’s anxiety and distress response when it is separated from its primary caregiver, you will also note that many of those negative emotions stem from our left-brain emotional Character 2. All of us, of course, are uniquely wired with both positive and negative emotional circuitry, and how often we run each of these circuits will be impacted by our nature and nurture.
When Character 2 disappeared from my brain, I felt an overwhelming sense of relief and peacefulness. My little Character 2 had embodied a lifetime of emotional pain, and the killing off of her by the stroke was a phenomenal blessing. But of course, I did not end up scot-free, as eventually I regained the ability to emote again, and my new Character 2 has proven to be just as insolent as before. In the big picture, however, it is a relief for me to experience my emotions again, as they not only add depth to life, but they stretch my boundaries for personal growth.
By anyone’s measure, I had every reason in the world to be unhappy or feel despair about my post-stroke circumstances, but my right brain felt nothing but gratitude because I was still alive. Although I had fallen completely off the Harvard ladder, which had been the pinnacle of my life’s professional effort, I did not feel embarrassment or shame. In addition, with only my right-brain consciousness in operation, I could not understand the concepts of self-loathing, feeling guilty, or feeling lonely. I was not at all depressed, because I did not die that day, which meant I had a second chance at life.
I call my left-brain emotional Character 2 “Abby.” I am guessing that my original childhood wound stemmed from a feeling of being abandoned, simply because I was instantly separated from my mother’s womb at birth. No matter how romantically anyone paints that picture, physiologically I came flying out of a warm liquid environment where my senses had been muted from sound, light, and touch. Passage from that fluid world, where I felt like a part of my mother’s lovely heartbeat, into this cold world of probing, prodding, and sensory overload spontaneously generated a shift in my being that made my whole soul wail. Welcome to the world, baby Abby!
Because our left-brain emotional Character 2 runs all of our experiences through the emotional filter of what has given us pain and what is dangerous, bad, or wrong so it can protect us, it pessimistically sees the glass as half empty. In addition, for the scarcity-minded part of our leftbrain Character 2, there is never enough money, love, stuff, or food for everyone. That is why this part of our brain is intent on making sure it gets its fair share, and somewhere within this constricted thinking, our Character 2 can feel discontent and insatiable as it unremittingly yearns for more. Character 2 can feel happiness, but such happiness is based on external conditions and is as transient as all of the other emotions.
It is not unusual for our Character 2 to become bitter or hold grudges or resentments toward anyone who has failed us, and we may protect ourselves from further hurt by being secretive or guarded. We are also good at plotting revenge or slandering. As a result of a self-induced isolation, our Character 2 can get caught up in the dread and doom of a threatening world. When this happens, we need to remember that this is a group of cells that sacrificed our connection with the cosmic flow, so we can sympathize with its inherent value and help it heal before it feels the need to either explode its fears into the external world or cause us to implode with illness.
I know my little Abby is full-force present when I am feeling unappreciated, undervalued, unwanted, or unworthy. I also know that I am stuck in my Character 2 whenever I am feeling oppressed, victimized, or remotely envious. If Abby is feeling stressed out and ready to blow like a pressure cooker, it’s never pretty, as I may become impatient or argumentative. And predictably, when Abby is not happy, she does not want you to be happy either.
You know you are dealing with someone’s Character 2 if they are being a hateful bully, seeking revenge, being belligerent, using sarcastic humor, or purposely trying to provoke you. This part of our character can be selfish, self-absorbed, self-righteous, self-promoting, or even emotionally manipulative. We may describe a Character 2 as narcissistic, grandiose, pompous, arrogant, self-righteous, or egocentric. On a bad day, this part of our brain enthusiastically belittles others, goes on the attack with abusive name-calling, and spars with a tit-for-tat mentality. It can be critical, intolerant of racial or religious differences, spiteful, mean, or even cruel. And Lord help us all, but this part of our brain is not able to take any responsibility for anything. With a superficial charm, it will love you conditionally, but only for as long as you are letting it control you and you are feeding its needs. Because this part of our character perceives itself as superior, it often has no respect for authority and may behave as though it is above the law.
And when it comes to honesty, our Character 2 is not our highest self. It is tricky and savvy in the way it deceives, and it will absolutely lie to your face and rob you blind. As you might imagine, when it competes it will play dirty and cheat. Our Character 2 has mastered the fine art of deflecting blame, and is seen by others as immature, unsophisticated, dishonest, and unrefined.
Yet in spite of all of these negative traits, we must remember that at the core of this behavior are pain and fear. As I mentioned before, none of us came into this world with a manual about how to get it all right, and if we are to heal this part of ourselves, we must recognize when it shows up, love it in spite of itself, and use our other characters to listen to its needs and assure it that it is both valuable and safe. This is the power of the Four Characters and the goal of the Brain Huddle. When held as an esteemed and valuable member of our whole brain, our Character 2 can feel supported and its reactivity can be methodically de-escalated by the huddle. In addition, just knowing that all of these passionate emotions are cells running in circuit allows us the strategy to purposely and consciously choose to step away from the pain and dissipate that energy.
CHARACTER 2 AT WORK AND AT PLAY
Just as we explored our Character 1 in a couple of different real-life scenarios, let’s take those same adventures with our Character 2.
Character 2 on the Job
Regardless of whether Character 2 is a worker or a leader, they are going to have some predictable tendencies in common. First and foremost, Character 2, by nature, does not trust the motivations of others, so Character 2 leaders will not trust the motivations of their workforce and Character 2 workers will not trust the motivations of their leader. As a consequence, Character 2 will lead with an iron fist, make hard demands, and use threats to force production deadlines.
Although this sounds somewhat similar to the leadership style of the Hard Character 1, who leads as though the sky will fall if we fail, our Character 2 leads as though the sky IS falling: so do this now or we will all die, and if you don’t die, I’ll hurt you when it’s over. The Hard Character 1 leader has the ability to slip into the Character 2 bully mentality when it is feeling pressured or pushed up against the wall by outside forces. Anything that it cannot control, whether it is the competition or an external audit, might send Character 1 into Character 2’s “throw a fit” style of leadership.
When under stress, a Soft Character 1 leader can devolve into a Hard Character 1 leader, and under the worst of circumstances this leader can then become a Character 2 leader. When you see a Character 2 in the corporate world, they often look a bit agitated or frumpy, as though their clothes are wearing them.
As a worker, our Character 2 may abuse its power by being overly rigid, even when it is clear that a simple solution could be found with a reasonable bending of the rules. Character 2s can make a mess of things simply because they refuse to make rational decisions, even when the situation clearly demands it or failure will ensue. These are the workers who won’t stretch a rule when it is clear that now is the exceptional time when the rule should be broken. Also, as a worker our Character 2 tends to take things personally, so any constructive criticism may feel like abuse and deflate any goodwill the Character 2 might have for others.
A Character 2 leader tends to make shortsighted decisions that, if not corrected early, may derail a long-term project. A Character 2 worker cannot handle more than one thing at a time without shutting down or feeling overloaded and overwhelmed. Although our Character 2 tends to be a perfectionist, it will skip steps in order to fit the timeline or get something done.
Our Character 2 can be dishonest with herself about reality and the consequences of that shortsighted thinking, and facing the consequences of skipping those earlier steps in the project can paralyze her in fear. A Character 2 may skirt the truth with her boss, just as she skirts her own reality, in an effort to minimize her vulnerability.
Character 2 at the Beach
The Character 2 at the beach is worried about the sand because it is everywhere. It’s in my towel, between my toes, in my bathing suit, and even in my hair. Also, what’s in the water that I cannot see? Is it something that can hurt me, bite me, sting me? It’s spooky and salty and buggy here, and I’m restless because I don’t feel safe.
The imagination of the Character 2 goes to the worst of the worst beach stories that it has ever heard and brings those stories to the present moment as a real possibility. Jaws, anyone? Our Character 2 smells the rotting seaweed and can’t help but notice the ugly litter those inconsiderate people left behind. There aren’t enough shells, or nice enough shells, and those broken shells are sharp and they hurt my feet. I am niggling with my stuff and keeping an eye on my watch as I pick sand out of my ear.
Our Character 2 cannot relax amid the unknown, so it tries to minimize the number of variables that it cannot control. In preparation for coming to the beach, Character 2s worry that it might rain or that they will burn up in the sun. Will I be able to get the right spot? The neighbor’s music is too loud, and the whiff of that cigar is nauseating! I’m worried that I don’t look good in my suit, and there’s too much wind, or not enough breeze to cool me down from the scorching sun. Those kids over there keep screaming and
I can’t even hear the waves. My sweat is stinging my eyes, that dead fish stinks and is attracting flies, and the water is foaming. That is so gross! This really is a dreadfully boring place, and I’m probably not even going to see a dolphin today, so when do we get to go home?
Character 2s try to not draw attention to themselves and are critical of how they look, so they wear dull colors along with a cover-up. They might even appear a bit disheveled since they are uptight and cannot get comfortable, and in their restlessness they are constantly futzing with their stuff. Character 2s prefer to observe rather than participate in activities, so I’m guessing there are no Character 2s playing volleyball or movin’ and groovin’ on the dance floor. They do like to observe others and enjoy poking fun or being critical of others, and since misery loves miserable company, a Character 2 may have invited another Character 2 along for the trip.
Amid all of this discontent, a Character 2 is rarely self-aware. Preoccupied with their pain or fear, they find it difficult to conceptualize beyond any of the obvious black-and-white solutions to their stressors. When in full force, our Character 2 circuitry is so powerful that it can overwhelm the circuitry of our other characters, leaving them feeling isolated and alone. Unaware of any aid their other characters might bring to the table, our Character 2 will reach out rather than in, becoming dependent on another person for salvation.
Our Character 2 will worry, complain, judge, and perhaps even selfdeprecate, all the while being completely unconscious that they are presenting their edginess to others. This can be problematic of course, because although they may attract other Character 2s, the rest of us tend to shy away from this affect and stop inviting them to come along. Sadly, this rejection only reinforces the negative frame of mind of the Character 2, giving them even more evidence to support their negative mindset.
A Snapshot of Your Character 2
Anger/Name-Calling: If I get upset and can’t resist calling you nastynames, my Character 2 has possessed my brain and is out of control.
In these moments it is wise for me to push the pause button so I cangive myself 90 seconds for a successful Brain Huddle time-out.
Deceives: When my left-brain Character 2 decides it is going to tell alie, it tells my right brain to not show our deception in the tone of myvoice or in the expression on my face. At this point, my right brain willeither cooperate or give me away.
Feels Guilty: If I feel bad for not sending that sympathy card, or fornot helping that little old lady cross the street, my Character 2 isonline.
Internalizes Shame: When I feel as though I am not good enough, or Iam not worthy of being loved, my Character 2 is dominant. It is soimportant to remember that the Brain Huddle is just a thought away.
Loves Conditionally: If I am generous with my love only when peopleare doing what I want them to do, this is how my Character 2 lovesconditionally.
Negative Self-Judgment: That voice inside that tells us we are notworthy of total joy and everything good that life has to offer is ourCharacter 2. This voice can be really critical and say degrading thingsto us about ourselves, and when it speaks, it is usually the loudest andtrumps all the others.
Anxious: When I am filled with fret and worry about something thatcould possibly happen, I feel horribly uncomfortable inside my skin.
Whines: Oh no, please, little Character 2, please stop. Brain Huddle,or maybe a cuddle?
Egocentric: To my Character 2, we are the center of the universe, andour needs are all that matter because we are the most important.(Didn’t you get the memo?)
Blames: It’s all your fault that I am unhappy, or broke, or unemployed,
or . . . or . . . or . . .
Getting to Know Your Character 2
Just as with Character 1, let’s explore these questions about your Left Emotional Character 2.
And just as with Character 1, if you prefer to skip these questions for now and continue reading, please feel free to do so.
1. Do you recognize your Character 2? Pause for a moment andimagine yourself engaging in Character 2 behaviors. Pictureyourself feeling resentment or jealousy, or whatever your coreissues are. A lot of different emotions are masked as anger. Doyou have strategies to calm this circuitry, or does yourCharacter 2 tend to seep out into your life in unloving ways?
I know my little Abby very well. She does not show up with hostility very often because I have a lot of roadblocks set up by my other characters to protect me, but if you are determined to poke the bear, she may eventually come out and bite you. Anger is an energetic response to pain, and pain can have a lot of underlying sources. Abby is my hurt from the past, so there are times when I will choose to feel deep grief for those I love who are no longer right here in my huggable space, or she may run those old storylines and fight habitual wars. Abby is not complicated, but rather complex and predictable. She really is a lovely and vulnerable part of me. Do you know these vulnerabilities too?
2. What does Character 2 feel like inside of your body? Do youfeel anger, anxiety, or panic very often? How do you hold yourbody or change your voice when Character 2 comes online?What does that upset feel like inside of your body?
I feel Abby as soon as she takes command of my consciousness. When she is protecting me, she tends to get loud and resonate with a forceful vibration in her voice, and if she feels threatened, she storms my body with a flush of agitation. I feel Abby in the constriction of my chest resulting in shallow breaths. I become alert and move quickly, like a skulking animal on the prowl, and my whole being radiates a palpable discomfort.
This wounded part of me is clearly an innocent child who is using antisocial tools to protect itself (and the rest of me). I have learned that as soon as I recognize Abby has leaped into my consciousness, I need to immediately assemble all four of my characters into a Brain Huddle and address her needs. This tool works for me, as it makes Abby feel safe, heard, valued, and comforted so she can calm down.
3. We have already noted that our Character 2 reflects theJungian archetype of the Shadow, which is by definition themost primitive part of our brain. Our Character 2 is a part ofour unconscious brain that may be unknown or outrightrejected by our conscious Character 1. If you tend to keep youremotions under wraps, you may not recognize your Character 2at all.
Generally, most of us do not have any problem recognizing this part of ourselves or recognizing it in others. But if you cannot relate to your Character 2, I encourage you to speak with those around you to see if they can offer you any insight. For a few of us, this character is our primary personality, as we tend to worry a lot, complain often, and feel as though the world is a treacherous place. If it turns out that this is your primary character, and you would like to experience more joy, getting to know and making room for your other characters will probably help. Hence, training your Four Characters to do the Brain Huddle will help all of them feel like valued members of the team.
If you cannot identify your Character 2, do you ever feel like a victim of circumstances, or helpless to get your needs met? Consider who brings out the best and worst in you. Is there someone in your life you verbally spar with, or do you know a bully who purposely tries to make you feel bad? Is there someone you tend to poke at when they don’t feel well, or is there someone who consistently provokes you? Do you get upset about politics or not feel safe around people from other parts of the world? Do you tend to worry?
Our Character 2 by nature is biased against people who are different from us. We feel safe around those who think and feel, and judge what is right and wrong, in the same way we do. Our Character 2 feels safe when teaming up with others who cheer for the same ball team, donate to the same nonprofits, or vote for the same leaders. To our Character 2, what feels familiar feels safe.
Our Character 2 is also the richness of our deepest and most beautiful pain. It is our yearning to be loved, and the depth of our grief and sorrow. Our Character 2 runs the gamut of positive and negative emotions. We are so fortunate to have this capacity so our lives can be enriched and nuanced.
The more we become aware of our Character 2 and its antics for how it expresses itself in the world, the easier it becomes for our other characters to successfully manage its needs. I’m guessing that most of us would like to figure out how we can listen to and satisfy our Character 2 long before it sabotages our relationships or disrupts our deep inner joy. Character 2 tends to explode onto the stage of our lives instantly and powerfully, and with it comes a negative feeling in our gut, a furrow in our brow, a stiff body posture, or an aggressive tone in our voice. Our Character 2 might be bold and loud and mean and biting, or it could be self-loathing, silent, pitiful, passive-aggressive, awkward, or anything in between.
Regardless of whom you might uncover as this character in your left emotional brain, this part of you represents the leading edge of your personal growth. We must master our relationship with our Character 2 if we want to live peacefully within ourselves and with others. Calling on our Four Characters to execute the Brain Huddle is the best way I have found to hold my Character 2 in love and to retain my deep inner peace.
4. Assuming you can identify your left-brain emotionalCharacter 2, do you value this character, or does this part ofyour brain scare you? How much of the time do you let thischaracter run your life, and under what circumstances?
I have learned to value this character as my inner alarm and for the depth of my emotions as well as my potential for growth. Yet every time this part of my brain goes negatively haywire, it means there is something going on that makes me feel unsafe deep inside. When I am willing to explore what is at the core of my reaction, there are insights available to help me better understand my own fears and weaknesses. Fortunately my other characters know how to self-soothe little Abby, especially if she has come out because she was hungry or tired or because my blood sugar dropped. Nothing helps my Four Characters hold the space for myself better than going into the Brain Huddle.
5. As you think about your Left Emotional Character 2, can youassign it an appropriate name?
As I mentioned, I chose to name my little emotional Character 2 Abby because I believe my original wound came with the inevitable sense of abandonment I felt when I left my mother’s womb. We are all individuals, separate from the whole at a physical level, so we are capable of feeling immense loneliness and isolation. No longer completely connected to another, and capable of feeling deep emotional grief and pain, our emotional cells and circuitry make life both enriched and agonizing. It is important for you to pick a name for your Character 2 that is both personal and meaningful to you.
6. Who are some of the Character 2s over the course of your lifewho have influenced you, in positive or negative ways? Wereyou emboldened by those encounters or repressed by them?
The strongest and longest relationship I have had with a Character 2 has unquestionably been with my brother, who was eventually diagnosed with the brain disorder schizophrenia. Although we had a tumultuous relationship through our teenage years, as a young adult I consciously chose to purposefully funnel my anger and pain into advocating for the mentally ill. Because of this relationship with my brother’s Character 2, as well as the emotional loss of my beloved big brother to this insidious disorder, I was motivated to figure out how I might contribute something positive to help people with mental illness. Although these lessons were hard learned, I would not be who I am today if it were not for my brother’s illness and his Character 2.
7. Who in your life appreciates, cares for, identifies with, andwants to hang out with your Character 2? What are thoserelationships like?
Abby is my childhood pain, and every now and again she likes to get together with other Character 2s to moan and groan till the cows come home. Usually over pizza. No one loved my little Abby better than my mom, as she knew the magical formula that would make me laugh out loud and instantly bring Abby comfort. G. G. and I shared the deep, agonizing pain of losing my brother’s brain to his disease, so together we shouldered the burden of his journey in and out of hospitals and jails. We supported each other’s Character 2 during our greatest times of need and moments of despair.
Through this experience with G. G., I realized that every time my little Abby called her up for support, she shifted instantly into her Character 4, listened to me, supported me, and nurtured me. Then she would say something ridiculous and totally crack me up, shifting me into my Character 3. Watching G. G.’s success with Abby is how I learned to use my own Character 4, as well as the rest of my characters, to effectively self-soothe my Character 2’s pain. Since my mom’s death a few years ago, I have perfected going into the Brain Huddle as soon as I feel the need, as I find instant support, camaraderie, and peace there. Unless, of course, I’m in the mood for pizza.
In the big picture of my life, I am very fortunate in that I have a close network of friends who are both loving and forgiving. If Abby does pop out and is unkind or feeling threatened by something, they know how to hold the space for her. Just the other day while I was chatting with a friend over the phone, she just asked me right out if I was in a bad mood. That’s all it took for me to realize that Abby was on the line, and I switched immediately into Helen. Learning how to support each other’s Character 2 in safe and kind ways is a priceless gift we can give to one another during our moments of need. Learning to gently encourage one another to take a Brain Huddle is a fantastic language for us to share with those we love.
8. Who in your life does not get along with your Character 2?
Any fight between two Character 2s will never be resolved. That statement should be made into a poster and placed in every home and office, and it should go viral on social media. Think about this the next time you pick a fight with someone or they pick a fight with you. If you are feeling disagreeable and ready to go on the attack, pay attention to which character the other person is starting out as. Then notice how your Character 2 uses its power to totally ruin their mood (and perhaps the entire relationship).
In order for any conflict between two Character 2s to be resolved and for any healing or agreement to happen, one of the parties must be willing to shift out of their Character 2. It is really fun to watch this dynamic in action when people are in dispute. Once you gain an eye for it and learn to manage your own Character 2 reactivity, your communication with others will surely become more agreeable.
9. What kind of parent, partner, or friend is your Character 2?
Little Abby is a child, and anyone who parents from the position of their deep emotional pain, their discontent, anger, or immature Character 2 is not promoting a healthy connection. If you are consistently running your Character 2 as a partner, then by definition you are caught up in the circuitry of your pain and misery and loving your partner conditionally. As a result, your partner is probably disconnected or emotionally drained.
The same is true for your friendships. If you are consistently bringing your Character 2 into those conversations, in the form of either your deep pain or hostility, you might want to examine the deeper dynamics of those relationships. No one hurts more or picks a fight, holds a grudge, blames, needs, or criticizes others better than our Character 2. If you are not feeling valued in your relationships, or you feel like your needs are not being met, you might consider bringing all four of your characters into a Brain Huddle for a serious reflection and contemplation about who and how your other characters might jump in to self-soothe you.
10. Again, I don’t mean to jump too far ahead of myself, but it’simportant to consider: What is the relationship like inside yourhead between your Character 2 and your other characters?Does your Character 2 respect and value your other characters,or does it relish disagreeing with and antagonizing them?
I have spent years working with my Four Characters to help them individually establish healthy relationships with Abby, based on their unique skills. As a result, my Character 2 knows she can count on these relationships during her time of need because my Four Characters effectively practice the Brain Huddle. Hopefully long before my Character 2 really needs it.
The routine you use may look a little different from mine, but if you are willing to go into the Brain Huddle, we will end up with the same peace of mind. For me, when Abby is distraught, my Character 1 jumps right in to make sure she is physically safe, and if there is an immediate problem, Helen takes care of it. At the same time that Helen is fixing the problem, my Character 4 leans in to wrap Abby up in love, because all of my characters recognize that Abby is just a scared little girl who is in pain.
My Character 4 supports Abby by listening to her compassionately. I let Abby know that she is both valued and loved. Perhaps most importantly, however, my Character 4 makes it clear that Abby is not alone and the rest of my characters have her back, especially during her darkest moments. Once Abby has calmed down a bit because she knows she is being supported, held, and heard by my Character 4, and she realizes that the problem is being managed by my Character 1, my little Character 3 can come online and invite her to come out and do something fun. Character 3s are very active, creative, and resourceful, so getting our Character 2 out of their pain and into their body is often a good idea. Before you know it, even the worst of traumas can be handled by our Four Characters, and the Brain Huddle sets us up to live our best life.
Cheat Sheet: Get to Know Your Character 2
Do you recognize your Character 2? Pause for a moment and imagine yourself engaging in Character 2 behaviors. Picture yourself feeling resentment or jealousy, or whatever your core issues are. A lot of different emotions are masked as anger. Do you have strategies to calm this circuitry, or does your Character 2 tend to seep out into your life in unloving ways?
What does Character 2 feel like inside of your body? Do you feel anger, anxiety, or panic very often? How do you hold your body or change your voice when Character 2 comes online? What does that upset feel like inside of your body?
We have already noted that our Character 2 reflects the Jungian archetype of the Shadow, which is by definition the most primitive part of our brain. Our Character 2 is a part of our unconscious brain that may be unknown or outright rejected by our conscious Character 1. If you tend to keep your emotions under wraps, you may not recognize your Character 2 at all.
Assuming you can identify your left-brain emotional Character 2, do you value this character, or does this part of your brain scare you? How much of the time do you let this character run your life, and under what circumstances?
As you think about your Left Emotional Character 2, can you assign it an appropriate name?
Who are some of the Character 2s over the course of your life who have influenced you, in positive or negative ways? Were you emboldened by those encounters or repressed by them?
Who in your life appreciates, cares for, identifies with, and wants to hang out with your Character 2? What are those relationships like?
Who in your life does not get along with your Character 2?
What kind of parent, partner, or friend is your Character 2?
Again, I don’t mean to jump too far ahead of myself, but it is important to consider: What is the relationship like inside your head between your Character 2 and your other characters? Does your Character 2 respect and value your other characters, or does it relish disagreeing with and antagonizing them?