CHARACTER 3 RIGHT BRAIN EMOTIONAL

In the previous chapter we learned that at the most fundamental level, our emotional left-brain Character 2 determines our current level of safety by bringing in information about the present moment and then comparing that stimulation to threats from our past. Our right-brain Character 3, on the other hand, assesses the threat in the present moment based completely on the information it is processing in the here and now. As a result, our rightbrain Character 3 brings a crucial and unique skill to how we process threats. Because our right-brain Character 3 perceives everything as interconnected and in the flow of all that is, it provides us with the bigpicture bird’s eye view of danger, whether that threat relates to the people around us or to our environment.

When it comes to assessing how safe we are in the presence of another person, our right-brain Character 3 is a well-honed truth detector. It reads body language, matches it with facial expression, and then interprets the emotional cues of inflection of voice and vocal intonation. When all those pieces of the puzzle fit together appropriately, we interpret that behavior as truth. When the pieces do not fit together as they should—for example, if a person’s body stance does not communicate openness when they are professing their love—we question the overall integrity of what they are saying.

Some people, for whatever reason, have mastered the fine art of deception, and they do this by consciously manipulating how they are perceived. They fly under other people’s right-brain radar. It is possible for us to train ourselves to do this, but to be a really good liar, our left brain has to recruit our right brain to help pull off the trickery. Our right brain would be responsible for holding our body just right and not giving the deception away with our mouth or eyes while manifesting appropriate vocal cues. If for some reason our right brain chooses to not be in cahoots with our left brain’s desire to deceive, expect to be caught and pay the consequences.

Our right-brain Character 3 interprets our overall level of safety in our immediate environment based upon how much of what we are experiencing feels familiar. Our right brain is constantly evaluating the bigger picture of where we are, and it is ever assessing—albeit perhaps silently in the background of our awareness—an escape route in the event that we should be cornered. However, it is not unusual for our left-brain Character 1 to step in and override these right-brain self-preserving sensitivities. Although our right brain might alert us to a danger, if we choose to listen to the louder rationalizing voice of our left-brain Character 1 instead, we may unwittingly step into trouble. A fabulous book on this subject is The Gift ofFear by Gavin de Becker.

BOUNDLESS AND PRESENT

From a perceptual perspective, when the stroke wiped out the cells of my left brain, my whole world went topsy-turvy. Without those left-brain skills opposing my right-brain experience, I could no longer define the boundaries of where I began and where I ended. Because there was no separation between the atoms and molecules that made up me and those making up everything around me, I no longer perceived myself to be an individual. As a result of this blending, I perceived myself to be a fluid rather than a solid, existing in a constant state of motion and change. Without boundaries, I was exactly that: boundless. So I perceived myself to be both free flowing and as big as the universe.

Think about what that might mean for you. Although you will always have the taming force of your left-brain Characters 1 and 2, this right-brain part of you is always there, too, and always turned on. It is a fine art for us to devolve our focus away from the past or future to attend to the sensibilities of the present moment. When we do this, the details of our life fade away and our experience of the present moment expands.

When my left brain went off-line, I lost all words and language, including the mental file that held all the details of my life. Consequently, I had no identity and knew nothing about myself. Although the consciousness of me still existed inside this same body, the person I had been before, her likes and dislikes, no longer existed. Yet even in the absence of my left-brain ego-self, I remained a conscious and living being. I simply could no longer communicate with words. They had become mere sounds that had no meaning. This experience was the first step in my Hero’s Journey, when I laid down the sword of my ego—my individuality—and stepped into the realm of my unconscious right brain.

Have you ever been so scared, excited, or dumbfounded that you could not speak, or time seemed to slow down? Have you ever awakened in a strange place and momentarily forgotten where you were? During such moments we are fully conscious and aware, but there is a brief disconnect from our left brain, with all of its background and reality-based information.

Sometimes we are thrust into the right here, right now not by our choosing. At other times we arrive in the present moment by choice.

All we have to do to bring our mind to the present moment is to push the pause button on whatever it is that we are doing, thinking, or feeling and consciously bring our attention to our immediate sensory experience of textures, sights, and smells. This is easy when we are willing to step away from the details of our lives and shift our focus to what life feels like. Not how we feel emotionally but how we feel experientially . You know how it feels when the sun is kissing your face with its warmth, or you tune in to the vibration of the jet passing overhead. That is the kind of feeling I tune in to when I am in my Character 3. It is not so much my emotions I am in touch with, as those are more the realm of my left-brain Character 2. My Character 3 is sensually experiential whether I am swimming in the thickness of water or swinging at a tennis ball with an expanded focus on all that is.

I know I am in my right brain when I am feeling a sense of gratitude for anything at all, be it my life, my circumstances, or the friendship of another. Joy, however, is the underlying feeling of our right-brain Character 3, so if you want to shift quickly into your Character 3, get experiential: do something fun and engage your sense of humor. And the messier it is, the better! Anytime we laugh out loud, we can’t help but be open, present, and completely vulnerable, which is why it feels so great and is so good for us.

After my stroke, because I had lost all perception of time, I existed in the eternal timelessness of the present moment. To my mind, the linearity of time was no longer measured in the man-made intervals of seconds, minutes, and hours. Instead, time passed in moments: some brief, some longer, all depending on what I was doing. Playing or creating in the absence of my left brain’s judgment was both meaningful and satisfying.

Without any awareness of my physical boundaries, it was impossible for me to distinguish other people as entities that were separate from me. As a result, I perceived us all collectively and energetically as a part of the same being. It was as though we were all woven together into a fabric of tiny molecules that were in motion, and together we made up a tapestry of humanity. We didn’t need to communicate with words because we empathically felt one another’s feelings, and we communicated through facial expressions and body language. We were all in the flow together, as a single unit that was made up of the sum of our parts.

This is comparable to what happens when we get caught up in the right here, right now excitement of a ball game. We shift into our Character 3s as a group while we sit together on the edge of our seats, being blown away by those incredible plays or those jaw-dropping volleys. Our consciousness collectively expands, and as a whole we leap to our feet, high-five, scream with elation, and maybe even do the “wave” as a fused group. Caught up in the moment, this is not about me and it is not about you. It is about all of us as one team, and our energy has the potency to bust the roof off the stadium. How fantastic it is when we are here together, sharing these amazing moments. Lost in the flow of the excitement, we are each a part of the whole, all dressed in the same colors. Gosh, that game flew right by. Ican’t believe how late it is. I am so hungry. This is time well spent in our right-brain Character 3s.

Sometimes I think about how a culture of bacteria that is made up of a bunch of individual cells has the ability to collectively share enough of a communal awareness that they can work together to infect and overtake a host. Even though each of those cells is an individual, they work in synchrony to become a powerful predator against a body that is billions of times their size. This is comparable to the trillions of cells that make up your body, with each cell an individual with its own position, shape, and job. And somehow, all of those cells work independently to do their part and then collectively they communicate with one another, making up a healthy you.

This is how we humans, as a species, exist and function when we are in the consciousness of our right brains. We are all equally important brothers and sisters who are united as one human family. Our uniqueness contributes to the betterment and increased variability and viability of the whole. I believe that our right-brain emotional Character 3 is the same part of ourselves as Carl Jung’s archetype the Anima/Animus, which represents the inner femininity of males and the inner masculinity of females. According to Jung, all humans are energetically androgynous, and this part of ourselves serves as the primary source of communication with the collective consciousness of our species, independent of our gender. When we are all joining in a high five, it does not matter what gender we are.

When it comes to the magnificence of humanity, our right brains are clear that our differences contribute to our creativity and versatility. But unfortunately our left brain’s tendency toward negative judgment toward

others who are different from us sets us up for separatism, racism, and bigotry. The truth is that our strength is in our differences, not in our similarities. If you were stranded on a desert island, would you want another person just like you around or someone who had different interests and a different set of skills? If I were stranded on a desert island, I would welcome your differences, and my left brain would immediately drop its tendency toward superiority and negative judgment, or else you might just toss me off the island or make me fend for myself.

EMOTION, PAST AND PRESENT

As we discussed at length in the previous chapter, the fundamental anatomical difference between our left-brain emotional Character 2 and our right-brain emotional Character 3 is how these two emotional groups of cells process the information they receive from those reptilian brain stem cells. Briefly, our left-brain Character 2 amygdala will immediately compare incoming information about the present moment with memories from our past. As soon as this happens, the consciousness of our left-brain emotional Character 2 shifts out of the present moment and linearly processes incoming stimulation about the external world. As a result, if I am to feel remorse or guilt, or hold a grudge, I feel these emotions in the present moment but they are about something that happened in the past. It is the circuitry of my left-brain emotional Character 2 that has the ability to experience dozens of specific emotions, both positive and negative, but they are relative to past and future experiences.

Simultaneously, our Character 3 is the consciousness that has evolved in our right-brain emotional tissue, which experiences emotions in the right here, right now about this present moment. Because our Character 3 has no perception about the past, and it never disconnects from the consciousness of the present moment, it always exists at the level of the flow of the universe. Call this the consciousness of the One, God, Allah, the power of the present moment, Nature, the Universe, whatever suits your belief system. Our right-brain consciousness is the realm of that unconscious dimension that is ever flowing in the background of our left-brain focus on the external world.

What this means is that when we feel that we are alone, it is because our left brain perceives, feels, and experiences us to be alone. But when we release our attachments to people and things in our external reality, we shift back into the consciousness of the flow, whereby we can experience gratitude and joy. At any moment we have the ability to choose which consciousness we want to focus on: our left-brain external reality or our right-brain present moment. It is one or the other at any moment in time.

We are either focused on our individuality or we allow ourselves to blend into the flow.

In many instances when I am in my right-brain emotional Character 3, it is difficult if not impossible for me to use words to describe exactly what I am feeling, because it is impossible, by definition, to use words to describe that which is not describable. For example, when we view art or hear music, our right brain may be moved as we feel that something is beautiful. Our whole soul might be wrapped up by the awe of our existence during a sunset. Or when we stand at the top of a mountain, we can simultaneously feel that we are both as big as the universe and as irrelevant as a speck of dust. These are the moments in our collective consciousness that we can neither measure nor define, yet we share an underlying knowing of what they feel like deep inside. It is our Character 3 that feels that magical connection when we feel home in a hug.

Creatively, if you are a natural musician or visual artist, you use your right brain to express yourself. When our Character 3 comes out and is dominant, we become uninhibited by the paralyzing fear of our left-brain judgment. It is right here in the present moment when we find a beat, add a rhythm, pick out a melody, and hook up with our left-brain lyric-writing self to communicate a message that is a perfect combination of story, emotion, and feeling. But when we work it, study it, and perfect it, our left brain is the master of practice, and then our right brain makes magic happen during the performance.

Many of us compulsively express ourselves artistically, and few things are more beautiful than the feeling we get when we are completely lost in the flow. Some people proclaim that their creative process is an agonizingly painful experience that is, in its own weird way, uniquely delicious. Others just link up to their muse and genius pours right through. I know that when I carve stone, I become so caught up in the flow that I feel compelled to discover and release whatever figure is stuck inside the block. How lovely it is that we humans have this capacity through our right brains to reach deep inside and express ourselves in creative ways. What a bonus it is if our creation somehow touches the heart (or right brain) of another.

This alternate reality of our right brain whereby everything is related is an actual consciousness. But because we cannot define it, see it, touch it, smell it, taste it, or hear it, this parallel world of perception is often minimized, invalidated, and denied by our left-brain counterpart, which

only believes in the external world. It is in this realm of the right-brain energetic flow where synchronicities commonly unfold. Yet in the real world, for a strong left brain, those synchronicities are easily dismissed as mere coincidences.

This is a fair judgment from our left brain if we consider how threatening this idea of connection might be to the individuality of our left-brain egocenter. The only problem with denying the duality of our left and right brains, and the realms they independently navigate, is the billions of things in our right-brain world that defy our left brain’s definition of truth. Even the existence of life itself is unexplainable by our left brain. It is so important to realize that simply because our left brain has an opinion about something, that does not make it true.

When infants are born, their brains have not yet had a chance to define the boundaries of where they begin and end. Consequently, the consciousness of our right brain is dominant at birth and until we have acquired enough information about ourselves and the world around us to establish ourselves as individuals who are separate from the flow. Kids tend to exude their right-brain Character 3s onto the playground with full force until their left brain develops a reality-based consciousness, at which point they begin to mature both scholastically and physically. Schools promote our left-brain development, especially with the introduction of reading, writing, and math. Add to that classes like geography and history, which require our left brain to mature so we can memorize a bazillion details. My little right-brain Character 3 never understood why I had to stuff all those dates and details inside my head. Wasn’t it enough that I knew where to find them?

When I was around eight years old, I asked my mom if she thought in words or pictures. She told me she thought in language. Thinking in words was a profound concept for me because my brain flashed videos, not letters. Later as adults, G. G. and I vacationed together and shared trashy novels. I would ask her what the book was about and she would give me a rudimentary plot. It turned out that her brain actually read words, just words, while my brain read words and then created a video of the story. One of my favorite books on this subject is Thinking in Pictures by Temple Grandin.

When kids play together, they hang with others who have shared interests: “Kickball, anyone?” Our Character 3 will swing on that swing

higher and higher, as high as it can get, and it is in those wondrous moments of soaring with the birds that no one is thinking about that spelling test tomorrow. Whatever our age, our Character 3 is the part of our brain that loves doing stuff in our body and being active. It is also the big-kid part of our brain that never grows up, loves to walk in the rain, and catches the ESPN sports recap of the day for all of those spectacular plays.

CHARACTER 3 IN THE WORLD

Our right-brain emotional Character 3 is like a puppy that is always watching every move you make, ready to pounce the moment you reach for the leash, toy, or food bowl. Our Character 3 is the virtuoso who is eager to practice for hours and hours on end at whatever brings it joy and thrills its soul. This part of our brain sees possibilities instead of limitations. Everything is about the connection with myself or with others, and as I practice, practice, practice, I am constantly tweaking and correcting until it feels right. What can I do in this moment to strengthen my stride or deepen my breath so I can get a better outcome?

Our Character 3s are witty and hilarious. We will laugh so hard that we stomp the ground as we gasp for more air. Wide open emotionally and in the present moment, we become a pack and feel camaraderie with everyone who is joining in. When we get excited together, we share a deep connection, and these become the moments we cherish, talk about, and later embellish. We thrive as a collective, connected by our similarities and overlooking our differences.

Although our Character 3 is a whole lot of wonderful, it also has the potential to get us into serious trouble. It is Character 3’s nature to act impulsively in the present moment without considering the consequences of our behavior. “What were you thinking?” Well, clearly, I was not thinking. I was feeling, as I was having an experience in the present moment and it seemed like a good idea at the time. Unless I am a teenager whose brain has not yet completely developed (and that is a whole different book), suffice it to say that it is the nature of Character 3 to push limits, buck authority, and ask for forgiveness rather than permission, regardless of age.

Our Character 3 is often not interested in conceding to the authority of our Character 1, even though our Character 1 may be very interested in controlling what our Character 3 is up to. I spend a lot of time on a lake, and when the storm clouds roll in, my Character 1 knows very well that it is time for me to head off the water. My Character 3, however, has a mind of her own. She figures those clouds might mean a big storm, but they also might pass by me. So until I see lightning, I’ll keep hoe-dee-doing this way, and I’ll head for cover if the rain begins. I hate to admit it, but only in the last few months have I been willing to let my Character 1 take charge of these sorts of safety decisions. I have been really glad about this several times in just the last few months, and I have to say, Go Helen .

Character 3s are quite compulsive and like to do things their own way, and when they have a vision of what they want to accomplish, it is hard to give them any input or suggestions. My Character 3 has adopted the mindset that if you want to get something done quickly, it is easier to just do it yourself than to try to find the right words to tell someone else how you want it done. Character 1s are much better at using their words, as they are methodical and have a pronounced mastery of language. Character 3s, on the other hand, just dive in and go-go-go. Act first and explore the possibilities, and then step back and hope it all went well. The last time I cooked eggs, I was in the mood for some sweet potatoes too. Instead of asking my friend who is a good cook for suggestions, I just dove right in and failed miserably. Sadly, the worst thing you can do when I am in that frame of mind is to try to help me. Mark Twain had it right when he said something about how there are things you can learn by carrying a cat by the tail that you can learn no other way. That would be our Character 3.

CHARACTER 3 AT WORK AND AT PLAY

Character 3 on the Job

Our Character 3 is happy when people are together, so regardless of whether they are a leader or a worker, Character 3s enjoy meeting with people face-to-face so they can do things. Character 3s love group projects, but they also work well alone. They pivot easily between different parts of the project and rarely choose to start at the beginning or work linearly. Character 3s thrive on creative projects that are not well defined, and they look for reasons to use space and collaborate.

Character 3s shy away from giving a boss a timeline for when they will be finished with a project because they get all caught up in the doing of the task, and that pesky clock only interrupts the flow of the creative performance. Character 3s will get the job done and probably create something magical, but they prefer to not be held accountable to a deadline. The worst thing any boss can do to a Character 3 is to ask them to set a plan, a schedule, a deadline, and a budget. And of course, Lord help your board meeting if you ever give a Character 3 a whiteboard and a palette of colorful markers or put them in charge of running the agenda.

Character 3 at the Beach

Character 3s are so excited to get to the beach that they forgot to bring the sunscreen. The towel is tossed in a crumpled wad in the sand, but that is okay because they will dry off in the sun. Dressed in a comfy, colorful Hawaiian shirt and shorts with a cap that doesn’t match, they dash along the edge of the water squealing like little pigs because it is a bit nippy and they are so happy to be there. Just look at the way the sun dances through the rippled surface, making a bright, shiny neural network on the ocean floor. It is so beautiful!

Character 3s didn’t plan much for this adventure because their anticipation of what fun they would have was so exciting they couldn’t focus on anything else. They grabbed whatever they could find to wear, and right here, right now they are busting out their best dance moves and laughing together in total joy. It is such a thrill to see people they already know, and to connect with new friends who have familiar interests and energy. They focus on what they have in common and what they like about one another. Mostly they are grateful they are all here together.

To the Character 3 the mess is an integral part of the beach experience. They relish the sandy beachfront as the perfect playground because they are sensual beings and this environment is so rich with the grit, the sun, and the wind. Character 3s are out socializing and saying hello, not just to the people but to the birds and crabs and all those little creatures that scurry. They wear a smile and offer an open invitation for all other Character 3s to join in as they build a sandcastle or bury a pal. In groups, Character 3s play games and make up new ones. They pay the locals to braid cornrows into their hair and then leave them in way longer than they should.

Character 3s celebrate all that the beach has to offer without comparing it to the last time they were there. They pick a sunscreen based on the way it smells or how cool its label is rather than its brand. And rest assured they will probably get sunburned anyway because they will forget to reapply it, if they bother to put it on at all. Oh yes, all that rotting seaweed and those smelly fish over there—what a great place to explore. And those tiny little holes that bubble when the tide recedes, are there creatures in there? Let’s dig and see.

The perfect day at the beach for a Character 3 is any day they see a dolphin at play, and they’ll hunt for shark’s teeth and give them all away. Come sun or come rain, any sensual time in nature without a schedule is an awesome day. Oh my gosh, oh my gosh, that was the BEST time ever. Can we do it again tomorrow?

A Snapshot of Your Character 3

Forgiving: We are interested in connecting with others in the presentmoment and are willing to forgive easily so we can reconnect with

them at the heart level.

Awe-Inspired: We exude excitement about everything that is happeningin the right here, right now because life is such an amazing gift andevery moment is filled with amazing possibilities.

Playful: We are radiating life and every moment is exciting. Beingalive is so delicious that we just want to eat up every experience, andthere is nothing better than sharing a playful moment with someoneelse.

Empathic: We are so connected to one another that I can feel your joyas well as your pain. I am able to stand here by your side because yourpain does not scare me. I am connected to you. I care about you. I loveyou, and we are never alone.

Creative: If I take this and I do that with it, I will come up withsomething completely new. That is so cool. Want to help me?

Joyful: I just want to laugh and laugh, and play, and go get a goodadrenaline rush—want to join me?

Curious: Let’s explore this, and let’s go try that, and did you catch thatclue? I wonder where it leads.

Style: I will be wearing my favorite striped top and comfy plaidbottoms, or one of my favorite brain-branded shirts, for sure.Matching? What do you mean, matching?

Hopeful: No matter what, I am here with you and we will get throughthis together. It will all be okay. I got your back, whatever happens.

Experiential: I love how different experiences feel inside of my body. Iam very sensitive to my physiological response to what is going on inmy life, and I listen to my gut and intuition.

Getting to Know Your Character 3

If you prefer to skip these questions for now and continue reading, please feel free to do so. Focusing on these different parts of your brain can be taxing, so approaching them when you are feeling patient and refreshed might be a good idea.

If you’re ready now, let’s explore your right-brain emotional Character 3.

1. Do you recognize your Character 3? Pause for a moment andimagine yourself being in this present-moment character. Letyour left brain drift into the background as you bring yourattention to the right here, right now and explore the immediatesounds, textures, sights, and smells. How easy is it for you tomake this shift?

Character 3 is my primary character in that I wake up in the morning as this part of myself and then consciously shift myself into a different character as needed. I feel joy in my heart as soon as I wake up, and I am curious about what is on my schedule for the day. Then once I check out my scheduled commitments, I meander from one thing to the next pretty much without a plan but problem solving as I go. At least until Character 1 pops in and I am back on the schedule again. My automatic impulse is to slip back into the freedom of the present moment, unless there is some reason why I should be a different character.

2. What does Character 3 feel like inside of your body? Do youfeel your heart expand? Do you stand more on your tippy-toesas though you are lighter? Does your voice disappear becauseit’s not about output but just about bringing it all in? What does

your Character 3 feel like when you are having an experienceright here, right now?

My Character 3 is a joyful little character who loves life and loves you. It feels very alive inside of me and infiltrates every molecule of my being. My Character 3 is light in my body, healthy, physically strong, and athletically agile. This bright, effusive, uncomplicated, uninhibited, often unruly, explosive part of me expresses herself with reckless abandon.

3. But what if you don’t recognize your right-brain emotionalCharacter 3?

If you do not recognize your Character 3, you are missing out on the expression of a whole lot of spontaneous energy that has no plan and no timeline and has limitless curiosity. This expression of ourself is the unbridled emotion of the present moment that might manifest as an uncontrollable belly laugh—or an abrupt explosion of

anger.

Right here, right now our Character 3 supports a personality that is exuberant, joyful, and completely devoted to the sensations and experience of this moment, without fear or judgment. It does not know about the past and has no perception of the future. As such, it does not perceive risk as a negative thing but merely as a great adventure and a yummy adrenaline rush. Our Character 3 is emotionally connected to other people through empathy, likes variation, and thrives on anything experiential.

As you might imagine, however, this uncontrolled, unpredictable energy of an unbridled Character 3, which has little if any respect for authority, would probably drive any self-respecting Character 1 bananas. In our society Character 1s are the voice of authority and are often uncomfortable with the impulsive nature of our Character 3s. Consequently, if you do not recognize your Character 3, it may have been driven into submission and quiet obedience when those left-brain characters had little use for its happy-go-lucky, fun-loving, high energy.

4. Assuming you can identify your right-brain emotionalCharacter 3, do you like how this character expresses itselfinside of you? How much of the time do you let your Character3 run your life, and under what circumstances?

I am madly in love with the way my Character 3 feels inside of me, and although I value all Four Characters, I spend most of my time beaming Character 3 into the world. I express this part when I am carving limestone or creating something wondrous out of stained glass. I enthusiastically love to do all kinds of things, and whether it is a dirty job and I am laboring and sweating or I am biking, rowing, swimming, or hanging out with a kindred spirit, my Character 3 feels healthy and ebullient.

Whatever this part of me is up to, you can rest assured that I am creatively scheming in the right here, right now and innovatively participating with every ounce of my being. My Character 3 does not hold back at all, and fortunately my Character 1 keeps an eye out for her well-being when I am lost in the flow. I have learned that a strong Character 3 who is supported by a strong Character 1 is a really productive and beautiful collaboration.

5. As you think about your Right Emotional Character 3, canyou assign it an appropriate name? In addition, now that youare more familiar with your left-brain Characters 1 and 2, areyou satisfied with the names you assigned to them earlier?

I have named my Character 3 “Pigpen.” Remember Charles Schulz’s Peanuts character who is always walking around in a dust storm? My little right-brain emotional Character 3 is just like that. She is here, she is there, she is everywhere, always in the present moment stirring up some sort of a mess, with gusto. Not so much out of control or embarking on illegalities but definitely out of alignment with the more prudent values of my left brain.

Pigpen is totally open, emotionally available, and ingenious, and in her innocence she is both vulnerable and naive. Because she exists in the right here, right now, if my left brain is not informing

me intelligently, my Pigpen has the capacity to make some really bad decisions based purely on ignorance.

I encourage you to reach deep inside for a very special and appropriate name for your Character 3. What fits your joyful and fun-loving nature?

6. Who are some of the Character 3s who have influenced youover the course of your life, in positive or negative ways? Wasyour Character 3 emboldened by their Character 3 or repressedby it?

My dad, Hal, was a powerful Character 3, so I grew up with my eyes wide open to the advantages and disadvantages of expressing this character. Because Hal was incredibly creative, when I was a child we always had the most phenomenal Halloween outfits you ever saw. And talk about a music man: he could pick up any wind instrument and within 20 minutes be taking song requests. The downside of having Hal as a Character 3, as you might imagine, was the burden this placed on my mother, G. G., to maintain order in the house. As a result, our basement and garage were embarrassing disaster zones and it was impossible to locate anything.

I learned that if I was going to let my Character 3 run wild when in project mode, it was vital that my Character 1 come on board to manage the mess and recreate order regularly. To this day I have a very satisfying relationship between these two characters. If Character 1 didn’t come along and do her thing, the total lack of order would render my Character 3 paralyzed and unproductive.

7. Who in your life appreciates, cares for, identifies with, andwants to hang out with your Character 3? What are thoserelationships like?

I think most of my friends enjoy playing with Pigpen, and they know exactly what they are signing up for when we get together. When I think about my closest friends, we are a creative bunch. Although Pigpen is extremely patient during projects and versatile

in how she likes to spend time, it takes a lot of effort for her to hold the space for someone else’s Character 2 until that person is willing to shift into their present-moment joy.

The fine art of matching someone else’s emotional needs is a natural skill for Pigpen, as one of Character 3’s natural abilities is to feel empathy. Pigpen’s aptitude for love and compassion is off the charts, but there are times when my Character 1, Helen, wants to jump right in and fix the problem, or my Character 4 (whom you will meet in the next chapter) steps up to wrap herself around a hurting soul.

Little Abby, my Character 2, also has the capacity to be a good friend to someone else’s Character 2 because sometimes life simply boils down to two Character 2s holding space for one another. That famous quote “A friend in need is a friend indeed” speaks loudly to all four of my characters. At the core of who I am, I believe our number one job is to love one another.

8. Who in your life does not get along with your Character 3?

Anyone who is unhappy and committed to staying that way will definitely find Pigpen irritating. Believe it or not, I had a boss who told me once that I could not grow up to be a serious scientist because I was too happy. Sadly, he was suffering emotionally because he was in chronic physical pain. His Character 2 was his daily dominant character, and often when our Character 2 is not happy, we don’t want anyone around us to be happy either. A few years later, when I won the Mysell Award in the Harvard Department of Psychiatry, the most prestigious award that department offers to an M.D. or Ph.D. for their research, I reminisced about that negative assessment of my Character 3, and my whole self felt vindicated.

Although my Character 1, Helen, was always in charge of getting me to work on time, my lab-rat life was dominated by the playful spirit of my Character 3. In fact, when I applied for the position in the Harvard Department of Psychiatry, I told my future boss that I was an artist in my heart but I had chosen science to make a living. I

essentially had told her that I had a strong Character 3 that was creative, innovative, and exploratory, but I also had a strong Character 1 that would do the job well and meet my deadlines. She hired me immediately and was intuitive enough to assign me the research projects that would benefit from an aesthetic eye. We had a successful working relationship because we capitalized on our individual strengths.

9. What kind of parent, partner, or friend is your Character 3?

Our Character 3s are a fantastic part of who we are, but since they thrive on chaos, the creative process, and the present moment, they may be the most fun and emotionally available parent but are certainly not the most organized or disciplined. It’s also important to note that if you are a parent and a primary Character 3, it is neither fair nor appropriate for you to push a child into their Character 1 prematurely so they can bear the burden of creating order.

Children are biologically children and need to be protected as such. A parent who has a drug or alcohol addiction cannot show up as a healthy Character 1, so responsibilities often fall to the oldest child, demanding they prematurely develop their Character 1 at an early age. It is important that we pay attention to the demands we are making on those around us, and this is one of the reasons why this material is so important. Even if you are a primary Character 3, you can train your Character 1 to come online when it is appropriate for you to show up as a healthy adult.

Similarly, it is important that as adults we provide structure not just for our young children but for our teenagers. The human brain does not fully mature until around the age of 25, so although young people may look like adults, until their brains reach maturity our Character 1s need to help them out by providing structure and taking on the role of Character 1 for them. Clearly some young children are born with a penchant for order and perfectionism—in other words, some children start out with some Character 1 skills —but for those who are not born this way, we need to provide structure for them.

Although it is important that we befriend our children, it is more important that we parent them.

If you are a Character 3 as a partner, hopefully there is a Character 1 around, or your home may be in total chaos as a result of hoarding. The human brain that has no order may be brilliant, ingenious, creative, innovative, and all those magnificent traits of a Character 3, but without some semblance of order we don’t have a neuron to hang our ideas on and thus end up accomplishing very little.

In the meantime, love those little Character 3s, and let them remind you what it was like to be a kid. It will be good for your heart, both physically and emotionally.

10. Although we have not yet fully examined Character 4, it isimportant to consider how kind the relationship between yourcharacters inside your head is. How does your Character 3relate to your other characters?

As I have expressed, my Character 3, Pigpen, appreciates my Character 1, Helen, and is completely cooperative with her because she knows that Helen is eager and willing to take care of all the things Pigpen has no interest spending time on. Although Pigpen is really bright, resilient, and creative, she is not an intellectual, thus she finds memorizing details and reading manuals painfully tedious. Thank goodness Helen is here to run our world so Pigpen can get lost in the flow of whatever has most recently caught her fancy. Pigpen has been known to rebel against a schedule, and she does not like to be controlled by others, but when she feels accepted and valued for her natural skills, Pigpen is a loyal, faithful, and committed friend to everyone, especially my other characters.

My Character 3, Pigpen, and Character 2, Abby, also have a really important relationship. When Abby brings a sense of fear or unhappy discontentment into the present moment, Pigpen has mastered the skill of helping Abby find her way out of the pain and into the play. And when Abby is caught in the grip of her deepest inner grief or sadness, Pigpen does not shy away from her pain.

Instead Pigpen is a really good friend. She will not only hold the space and comfort Abby but will remind her how blessed they are to be alive, and how important it is that they celebrate this capacity to feel the depth and deliciousness of that misery.

Cheat Sheet: Get to Know Your Character 3

1. Do you recognize your Character 3? Pause for a moment and

imagine yourself being in this present-moment character. Let your left brain drift into the background as you bring your attention to the right here, right now and explore the immediate sounds, textures, sights, and smells. How easy is it for you to make this shift?

2. What does Character 3 feel like inside of your body? Do you feel

your heart expand? Do you stand more on your tippy-toes as though you are lighter? Does your voice disappear because it’s not about output but just about bringing it all in? What does your Character 3 feel like when you are having an experience right here, right now?

3. But what if you don’t recognize your right-brain emotional

Character 3?

4. Assuming you can identify your right-brain emotional Character 3,

do you like how this character expresses itself inside of you? How much of the time do you let your Character 3 run your life, and under what circumstances?

5. As you think about your Right Emotional Character 3, can you

assign it an appropriate name? In addition, now that you are more familiar with your left-brain Characters 1 and 2, are you satisfied with the names you assigned to them earlier?

6. Who are some of the Character 3s who have influenced you over

the course of your life, in positive or negative ways? Was your Character 3 emboldened by their Character 3 or repressed by it?

7. Who in your life appreciates, cares for, identifies with, and wants

to hang out with your Character 3? What are those relationships

like?

8. Who in your life does not get along with your Character 3?

9. What kind of parent, partner, or friend is your Character 3?

10. Although we have not yet fully examined Character 4, it is

important to consider how kind the relationship between your characters inside your head is. How does your Character 3 relate to your other characters?

CHAPTER 7