THE BRAIN HUDDLE : YOUR POWER TOOL FOR PEACE
I love watching my Four Characters interact with one another as they collectively live my life. From moment to moment, my Four Characters flit in and out of dominance, as I really do independently embody all four of them. I might be onstage giving an interview with Character 1, Helen, teaching about the brain, and then in an instant Character 3, Pigpen, may leap into my consciousness, take over the mic, and give an example using my full body as a prop. Trust me: Helen would never have done it that way. But now, instead of feeling shock or embarrassment, Helen has learned to appreciate Pigpen, and she actually finds her as entertaining and brilliant as the audience usually does. No one can come up with a better experiential example to make that point that Helen is dryly teaching than Pigpen. The more familiar you become with who is who inside of you, and the safer you feel to exhibit each of them, the more whole-brained your life will become.
Having watched these Four Characters over the last few years, I have seen that much of their behavior is relatively predictable. Helen likes to hang out in the office or on the phone, while Queen Toad inevitably shows up when I am on a nature walk. At least until something really fun happens, and then Pigpen jumps in for an adrenaline rush. Each of our Four Characters is somewhat stereotypical in their behavioral patterns, so the more willing you are to observe yours in the wild, the more freedom you (and they) will feel to live a whole-brain life.
Creating healthy relationships between our own Four Characters and the Four Characters of others is our goal, especially if we would like for most of those interactions to be positive and life giving. We do have the power to pick and choose moment by moment which of our Four Characters we want to be in the world, and sending them into a Brain Huddle is our key to our next best action.
Let’s take a deeper dive into what it really means to take a Brain Huddle as we gather together the voices of our Four Characters into a conscious conversation about what is going on in any moment of our life. The Brain Huddle is how we own our power by taking full responsibility for who and how we present ourselves to the world, as well as how we choose to let the world influence our thinking, emotions, feeling, and behavior.
When we run our lives on automatic, our Four Characters do whatever they please without any real consideration for what we might actually choose to be doing instead. When our Four Characters gather together in a Brain Huddle, just as in a sport, they each share their perspective and then collectively choose our best next strategic play. Regardless of what is going on outside of ourselves, we have the power to routinely come out of the huddle with an appropriate and peaceful resolution.
By choosing to engage in a Brain Huddle, we set ourselves up for success. If we really want to live our lives on purpose, let’s do it both systematically and enthusiastically. Besides, once we call a Brain Huddle and our Character 4 is engaged in the conversation, we are pretty much guaranteed a loving outcome.
AN ANCHOR FOR THE HEART
Just as with the other neural circuits in our brain, the more time we spend practicing the Brain Huddle during the benign moments of our lives, the stronger that circuitry becomes. Eventually our capacity to take a Brain Huddle will run on automatic as a new habit. Imagine how different your life will be when taking a Brain Huddle happens spontaneously throughout the day, and it becomes so practiced that it is now your brain’s normal response when you feel your emotional triggers are being pushed.
By far one of the greatest gifts of knowing my Four Characters, and perfecting the ease with which they collectively enter into a Brain Huddle, has been the realization that when I am feeling isolated and caught up in the drama or emotional pain of my Character 2, that part of me is not alone. When Abby is caught in the loop of feeling sadness or hopelessness, as soon as we call a Brain Huddle, any feeling of isolation or despair immediately dissipates. It is impossible for my right-brain Characters 3 and 4 to feel emotional loneliness, since they exist in the consciousness of the collective whole.
However, during those moments when my Character 2, Abby, does feel disconnected from both the rational brain of my Character 1 and the collective consciousnesses of my right-brain Characters 3 and 4, she can feel totally engulfed by a blinding fog of desperate emotion. When experiencing this level of duress, just being aware that my Four Characters are there and that I can call on them to hold a Brain Huddle has been an anchor for my heart.
I can attest that nurturing the habituation of our Brain Huddle will lead to a more whole-brain life. Every once in a great while, my Character 2, Abby, experiences a debilitating anxiety attack. I never know ahead of time when this is going to happen, but when it hits I feel like my brain is caught up in an internal tornado of emotional reactivity. Having the option of shifting my Four Characters into a Brain Huddle during those moments of need has been a real lifesaver. Now, when my little Character 2’s emotional stress circuitry even begins to rev up, I have a well-developed tool I can use to save my peace of mind and calm my physiology.
If you, too, experience anxiety, you know how running that circuit has the power to completely hijack your brain. Raw fear, anxiety, or even a panic attack: each has the power to render us emotionally incapacitated, feeling scared, desperate, vulnerable, and isolated. In those moments when I feel completely enveloped by fear, I have found comfort in just knowing that my other characters are still there. Even though I may have lost all sense of them, I know that they are there watching, waiting for this condensed energy surge to spread out to include them again so they can engage again. I am sure that this tool of the Brain Huddle will help you, during your time of need, in the same way that it has helped me survive those dark moments of my soul.
If you don’t have any personal experience with severe anxiety or know what it feels like, imagine all the energy in both your brain and body suddenly flushing up into the group of cells making up your fight-flight limbic circuitry. Your ears hear the roar of your blood as it sounds the alarm of your heart pumping so loudly that you cannot think clearly or see straight. You are thrown off balance as your entire body surges in what feels like a violent physiological attack, rendering your Character 2 completely flushed and overwhelmed with vulnerability. Remember how we are feeling creatures who think, rather than thinking creatures who feel? When that alarm of our emotional Character 2 is triggered in a full-force fear, anger, or anxiety attack, just knowing our other characters are right there, ready for a huddle, is a lifeline.
Another wonderful gift that the habit of the Brain Huddle has brought to my life is that I have used this tool to train myself to easily identify and embody each of my Four Characters at will. Now, when I am feeling even the subtle invitation of my Character 2’s emotional reactivity tugging on my consciousness, just knowing intellectually that my other characters are there somewhere beyond the disconnect has allowed me to shift my focus away from engaging with my Character 2 to simply observing her.
At an energetic level, as soon as I make this perceptual modification of observing instead of engaging, the energy ball that is focused on stimulating that emotional circuit begins to dissipate. As that tight focus of energy starts to expand, it reinfiltrates the other parts of my brain, and within moments my other characters can come back online and reenter my consciousness. As they reappear and join Character 2 in a Brain Huddle, Character 1 steps up to make sure we are physically safe in the immediate moment; Character 3 starts running imaginary scenarios about how we might strategize a successful play; and Character 4 holds the space for us all—realizing that even in the worst-case scenario, no matter what happens, we are okay.
OUR MIGHTY 50 TRILLION
When I experienced the stroke and my left brain went off-line, I pictured the 50 trillion cells making up my body and brain as beautiful little creatures, each with a consciousness of their own. I listened to them. I communed with them. I valued their efforts and shared with them how I needed them to help me heal, and then I encouraged their efforts. I still give credit to my brain cells for my recovery, and I continue to honor their ongoing efforts to heal my wounds day by day.
I believe our cells have the power to heal us. Of course I value traditional medicine, especially in the case of an emergency, but I do believe that a little faith in our own power to heal creates a respectful and healthy team spirit among our cells. As a collective of 50 trillion molecular geniuses, we share the common consciousness of our Character 4. When we are willing to tap into the combined power of the consciousness of the universe and our cellular Character 4, we heal.
When my brain was devastated, the consciousness of my Character 4 was all that remained. Once I decided that I was willing to try to recover, which meant that I was willing to endure the hard work and agony of trying to focus my attention on things in the external world, my Character 4 embarked upon the journey by taking total responsibility to love and direct all the healing efforts of all of my cells. As a collective consciousness, all the cells of my brain and body worked together, and although I had no idea in the long run how much I would heal or recover, my cells and I joined our forces by collectively tapping into the conscious power of the universe.
Having recovered completely, I define and value each of my Four Characters in a similar way. I see them as individuals, yet they are each a part of my whole brain. I listen to their needs and call on them accordingly. In many ways my Four Characters are like four children who value being heard and seen, and getting to know each of them has made the little moments of my life more predictable, for both me and those around me. My Character 1, for example, is going to answer the phone on the first ring, but if a friend calls and it goes straight to voice mail, they can rest assured that my Character 3’s hands are busy.
Each of my Four Characters has merit, but as individuals they live by their own set of values. Character 1 will dress well and arrive promptly at an evening engagement, while Character 4 may choose to miss the event altogether so she can stay out and commune with the sunset. Unless I am on a strict schedule, I let my Four Characters lead my life. Am I feeling refueled and ready to go out and share my energy as Helen, or do I prefer to refuel and harmonize with nature as Queen Toad? Imagine the authentic peace we would each bring to the world and one another if we completely supported our own, as well as each other’s, Four Characters.
BENEFITS OF THE BRAIN HUDDLE
In order for us to make good decisions, we need to know what our options are. Before I thoroughly understood the Four Characters material, I didn’t really know how to choose anything other than the black-and-white, obvious alternatives. Although I usually feel good about the decisions I make, every now and again I (probably Pigpen or Abby) make a decision and then realize that if I had paused and implemented the Brain Huddle, I would have chosen more wisely. I have found that the Brain Huddle soothes my insecurities and gives rise to the voice of my most authentic self, which is truly the combination of all of my voices.
There are several benefits to using this tool. First, the Brain Huddle requires that I push the pause button, which is essentially the same as running the 90 Second Rule that I described in Part I. Pausing for 90 seconds allows whatever chemicals are running through my bloodstream to flood through and then completely flush out of me. Once I am clear-minded again, and no longer feeling whatever I was feeling, I can bring all Four Characters into the conversation and make better decisions.
Second, the Brain Huddle encourages all Four Characters to voice their opinions. I run my brain like a democracy where every character gets an equal vote—unless I am in danger. When each character feels heard, and they listen to the opinions, wants, needs, and ideas of the other characters, when they come to a consensus it is a unanimous decision.
As a result, the third clear benefit of the Brain Huddle is that any decision I make using this tool is fortified by the support and consensus of all four of my characters. When I own my power in this way, I am confident that I have made the best choice. As a consequence, my most authentic life is supported by this tool that promotes healthy whole-brain living.
But equally important, because I understand the Four Characters—who they are and what they value—I get to see how the Four Characters are playing out in the lives of those around me. My awareness of who you are gives me a terrific advantage in how I might choose to interact with you. It does not give me an advantage over you, but it certainly offers me insight into how I might support and interact with you most effectively, since I always want to have a more peaceful conversation, negotiation, and resolution.
Trying to understand another person’s point of view sets us up for clear communication. Loving people as they are, and not needing them to change for us to feel safe, is also a gift. There are eight characters in every relationship, each with individual needs, opinions, and desires. Recognizing another person’s Four Characters and their needs can offer us a road map to achieving peace and harmony during our communications. If I find that I am experiencing conflict with you, for example, this tool helps me step back and assess my response in a calm way, rather than reactively. I can then evaluate the situation and show up more compassionately to listen to you.
The Brain Huddle has proven to be a fantastic power tool for quick and precise communication. For example, the other day I called a friend who is a primary Character 4. When she answered the phone and we started chatting, I said, “Wait, before we get to your four, tell me, how is your one?” She proceeded to share with me her Character 1’s projects and how those were going. Then I asked about her Character 2 and she shared with me that her 2 was feeling particularly tender because of an encounter she had the day before with a family member who was not well. Then she burst out with what adventures her Character 3 was knee-deep in, and then we touched home about her Character 4. Within five minutes my friend and I had an amazingly meaningful and connecting catch-up about all eight of our characters. It was fun, clarifying, and deeply satisfying. We were both grateful for the insights of the Four Characters language.
Using the Brain Huddle for personal reflection can help us determine what changes we might like to make in who and how we present ourselves to be, as well as in how we choose to connect with others. I realized that every time I drove over to visit with my mom, G. G., it was essential that I show up as my Character 3 rather than as my Character 1. G. G. wanted to set the schedule and make the decisions about what we did, so if I wanted to keep the peace, on the road over to her place I would consciously quiet Helen and wire up Pigpen. This was the magical combination that worked for our relationship. I’m sure you have some of those relationships in your life too. Knowing how to navigate our relationships in this way is part of how we can choose to love one another.
The overall most important reason why I use the Brain Huddle on a regular basis, however, is because it is a road map to my best self. This tool allows my two left-brain ego-selves to have a voice and be heard, but in the end, the voice I really want to bring into the conversation is the voice of my unconditionally loving Character 4. When I enter into a Brain Huddle, I know that I won’t come out of it with a decision until all Four Characters have weighed in. Predictably, I know that as soon as my Character 4, Queen Toad, shows up and participates, my Characters 1, 2, and 3 can relax and I will choose to take my best and most loving steps forward.
HOW IT WORKS: THE CONVERSATION INSIDE YOUR HEAD
The action of taking a Brain Huddle can serve as a balm for your whole being. As I noted in Chapter 3, the process of consciously and deliberately bringing all Four Characters into the conversation is both powerful and empowering. I have also found it to be grounding and deeply comforting. I like to think of it as a power tool for peace.
Here, I will outline the steps that make up a successful Brain Huddle and describe in detail the power that each of the stages brings us. As we saw earlier, the steps of the Brain Huddle spell out the acronym B-R-A-I-N, giving us an easy reminder, even during our most debilitating bouts of fear or anxiety. I can rely on this tool to help me recalibrate my brain when I am feeling emotionally reactive, overwhelmed, or vulnerable. I hope you find this tool to be as effective as I have.
B = BREATHE
BREATH is how I hit the pause button and bring my mind to the present moment.
At a neuroanatomical level, the power of our human brain is not in the way our cells excite one another but in the way they inhibit one another. It is really easy to get all cranked up, excited, and out of control, but it takes maturity to not be reactive and to stop running our circuits on automatic. Our willingness to push the pause button is how we engage the power of the Brain Huddle.
The best way I know how to create a physiological pause is to bring my BREATH . attention to the present moment and focus on my body and my Once my awareness is grounded in the right here, right now, I can sidestep the habituated patterns of my thinking and emotional circuitry that have been running on automatic. It does not matter which of the Four Characters
I have been embodying. When I pause and focus on my BREATH, I break the circuit and create space for something new.
By choosing to focus on my BREATH, I am pushing the pause button between the stimuli that are streaming in through my sensory systems and my automatic responses to that stimulation, be they thoughts, emotions, or actions. Just as there is a space between the neurons making up a circuit, I have the power to stop cellular communication instantly. I do not have to run outdated patterned responses that are wired in my brain from the past. I can make new choices and consciously build new circuitry. Practice does make perfect when it comes to brain circuitry, because every time we run a circuit by choice, it becomes stronger.
As I focus on my BREATH, I connect safely and intimately with my whole being. I trust my BREATH implicitly, as it has always been with me like a comforting teddy bear, and it will stay with me for as long as I am alive. To the consciousness of my Character 4, the universe is the womb within which I am breathing, and I perceive that I am being breathed by the omnipotent consciousness of the eternal flow. The universe is breathing me, and I have life because it is there supporting my life. By thinking about my breath in this way, I feel my consciousness expand, and this is particularly helpful when I am experiencing a powerful bout of hostility or anxiety.
If I have been running my Character 1 skill set before jumping into a Brain Huddle, after a brief BREATH and pause I may choose to step right back into that consciousness, now feeling a little more relaxed. This part of my brain is masterful at running the details of my life, so stepping in and out of her with ease, and periodically taking a refreshing break, can be healing for my overall physical and mental health. It is well known that getting some movement, catching a power nap, or indulging in a distraction that breaks the continuity of a left-brain task encourages the brain at a neurological level to disrupt its stress circuitry, hit a reset, feel refreshed, and be open to new insights and possibilities. This is particularly effective when the left brain is struggling to solve a problem or write an intelligible paragraph.
When I focus on my BREATH and purposely bring my awareness of my physical body to the forefront of my mind, I tend to shift completely into my Character 4, whereby I feel a vast sense of gratitude that I am this miraculous being of life. At this level of awareness, I use my BREATH to consciously neuro-regulate my autonomic nervous system. Through the eyes of an anatomist, I can’t help but recognize the similarity between the semipermeable membrane in my lungs that filters oxygen out of the air and the semipermeable membrane of that single cell that is attracted toward some things and repelled by others. There is a very fine line between this life and the absence of it. Breath is the key.
R = RECOGNIZE
RECOGNIZE which of the Four Characters are in the room. Right here, right now, I have the ability to pause and breathe deeply, focus my mind on what it feels like to be me, and then RECOGNIZE which character circuitry I have been running and which characters of other people are in the room. I may also RECOGNIZE that all four of my characters are stammering for the microphone because they all have something important to contribute.
I RECOGNIZE that I am in my Character 1 when I feel like I am focused on details and concentrating on something, gathering information, organizing that information, or working methodically toward an end goal. As a Character 1, I am highly disciplined and enjoy being the boss. I thrive when allowed to be in control of myself, a situation, or others. There is a right and wrong way of doing things, so I am particularly good at establishing efficient systems and then perfecting the performance of those systems as time goes along. I am known to be precise, efficient, and competent, so I feel a personal sense of satisfaction when I do things well.
As a Character 1, I think linearly, and when I have a project to complete that is made up of many steps, I start at the logical beginning. I am a natural taskmaster, so fixing problems suits me well. It is easy for me to RECOGNIZE when I am running the get on it and get it done circuitry of my Character 1, and it is easy for me to RECOGNIZE this character in others.
But if I am feeling hurt, lonely, abandoned, or emotionally charged about something that has happened in the past, or an old hostility or injustice keeps rattling around in my brain, it is simple for me to RECOGNIZE that my Character 2 has been triggered. Anytime I am on fire with anxiety about the future, or totally freaking out that I am not being seen, heard, or treated fairly based on my old wounds, it is easy for me to RECOGNIZE that my
Character 2 has flared right up in an attempt to not only protect me but help me get my needs met.
Fortunately I can RECOGNIZE almost the instant my Character 2 has possessed my body and consciousness. Character 2 feels heavy, burdened, or desperate, just as though doomsday has perilously arrived. Character 2 feels prickly in my body and tense in my throat, and the left half of my jaw aches with pain. I become highly focused as my head feels like it is in a deep cloud, and I feel sequestered from my other characters. Shame, guilt, embarrassment, and the impetus to blame someone else for something that has happened are old patterned responses that my Character 2 has perfected in her attempts to fend off threats. It is critical that we each train ourselves to immediately RECOGNIZE when our Character 2 has come online so we can take full responsibility for managing and disarming its pain and potential wrath before we express them in the world and sabotage our relationships or lives.
I de-escalate the hostility of my Character 2 by RECOGNIZING that it has been triggered, and then I immediately push the pause button. I purposefully calm this character down before I say or do things that I might later regret. Feeling shame or guilt about my Character 2’s wiring only vexes my attempts to heal her, so when she is triggered, I practice the 90 Second Rule. It works like a timeout, or a count-to-ten, giving me a moment to reset. Under extreme duress my Character 2 RECOGNIZES she has been hijacked, and she brings the word B-R-A-I-N into her mind to help her remember she is not alone.
In contrast, I RECOGNIZE that I am in my ebullient Character 3 when I am feeling really animated, a bit jittery, or just bouncing out of my skin with exuberance. Nothing floods through me like a flush of adrenaline, and I can instantly RECOGNIZE this explosion of energy. When I feel present, attentive to the moment, and wanting to play or connect with others, I RECOGNIZE that I am in my Character 3. Also, when I am feeling artistically or musically creative or curious, my Character 3 is center stage.
But Character 3 is not always happy, in that sometimes the emotional surge of an immediate danger can trigger a right-brain alert response that is easily RECOGNIZABLE as well as easily distinguished from my Character 2 threat response. While my Character 2 feels heavy, drained, or distraught when emotionally triggered, Character 3 feels like an energy surge of blood rushing instantaneously into my limbs, preparing me for a fight-or-flight response. Feeling like I want to jump out of my skin, I have an odd sense of acceleration, as a flood of prickly heat flushes up my spine and explodes like a volcanic river as a purge of sweat.
Although this triggering of my Character 3 can be startling and uncomfortable for anyone nearby, the pain I feel internally is equally alarming to me. Because I understand that this reactivity is wired in my brain to save my life, once I feel the floodgate open and I RECOGNIZE it for what it is, I do my best to step back and let it dissipate in private. Our prisons are filled with first-time offenders whose Character 3 had a momentary full-blown aggressive attack. Imagine how having had the ability to call their Four Characters into a Brain Huddle could have saved them from acting out and doing something they would later regret.
Character 4, in all of its glory, is always a delight and easy for me to RECOGNIZE and enjoy. When I am feeling total contentment, an open expansiveness in my chest, and a deep appreciation for whatever life has brought my way, it is simple for me to RECOGNIZE that my Character 4 is the circuitry that I am running. In this mindset, my heart feels calm and I am filled with a deep sense of gratitude for everything just as it is, even if another part of me might wish something were different. I can RECOGNIZE that Character 4 is always present and available for me to tune in to, even if I can’t sense her when my Character 2 has commandeered my focus.
When I RECOGNIZE the character that I am being, no matter which one it is, I validate that character and my link to its awareness becomes stronger. When I pay attention and care enough to know which character I am embodying, I connect with it, and simply by doing so I connect with myself. When I RECOGNIZE the value of my Four Characters, I don’t need anyone outside of me to validate me. Instead, I am clear about who my Four Characters are, and I know that I am enough. I know that I am not only worthy of being loved but that I am love.
The same is true for how I connect with you. Only when I care enough to pay attention to RECOGNIZE which of the Four Characters you are inhabiting at any moment can I authentically connect with you. If I want to fully see you and validate you, I must first RECOGNIZE which character you have brought into our encounter. If you come in as a Character 1, you would probably rather receive a you did a good job affirmation than the youlight up the world type of praise I might give your Character 4.
And if you come in as your Character 2, perhaps especially if you come in as your Character 2, I need to RECOGNIZE that, accept that you are in pain, and shift my affect to match your energy, welcome you, support your need to be heard, and love on you. I need to RECOGNIZE if your pain is hurt or sadness so I can show up as my Character 4 to soothe you. Or if your pain is fear or anxiety, maybe my Character 1 needs to come out to protect you. If you come in as your Character 2 and I dismiss your need, I miss a golden opportunity to sincerely connect with one of the most tender and vulnerable parts of who you are. Our willingness to RECOGNIZE which characters are in the room is our pathway to genuine connection and in-to-me-see (intimacy).
A = APPRECIATE
APPRECIATE whichever character is present and APPRECIATE the reality that all Four Characters are always around, whether we are aware of their presence or not.
When I APPRECIATE the innate value of whichever character I am exhibiting in any moment, beyond merely recognizing that character, I am intentionally honoring and respecting the skill set of that part of me. When we focus on, validate, and APPRECIATE the strengths of each of our Four Characters, we are empowering our ability to engage with them. Nothing is more important than our respect for ourselves, or more connecting with others than our respect and APPRECIATION for the gifts that each of their Four Characters bring to the table.
In addition, during my worst bouts of anxiety, fear, or anger, when the alarm circuit of my Character 2 is triggered and I feel cut off from my other characters, just being able to APPRECIATE the fact that they are there reassures me that I am fine. Even in those moments of despair and hopelessness, I know my other characters will come back online as soon as the energy dissipates back into those parts of my brain.
When I APPRECIATE that my Character 2 can be a bit awkward (loud, attacking, inappropriate) in how she sounds my alarm, and I remember that she behaves in this way because she loves me and is trying to protect me and does not know a better way, it makes it a lot easier for me to honor how courageous she is in the face of those perceived threats. Keeping close tabs on her and APPRECIATING her intention and efforts help her feel safe.
When I move into the Brain Huddle and APPRECIATE each of my characters individually, I APPRECIATE that my Character 1 wants to be the authority and take control of the details of my world so I can live my best life and know that she has me under her wing. She is excellent at what she does, and I am grateful that she is a master of many things, including the management of space, events, and people and their schedules.
My Character 2 is a faithful servant that shows up to protect me, and I APPRECIATE her willingness to play that role so I can be safe and flourish. When I APPRECIATE whatever emotion I am experiencing, it brings richness to my life, and I am grateful that my Character 2 has been willing to step out of the consciousness of the present moment so I can experience the linearity of a past, present, and future. When I APPRECIATE and value myself, I operate from a position of power. When I deny my emotions, I fuel my discontent and internal struggle.
Character 3 embraces the thrill of my existence, and I APPRECIATE that I have the ability to savor every fleeting moment and experience. On top of that, I so value and APPRECIATE her open heart, and her eagerness to play and genuinely connect with you.
My Character 4 rests without judgment in the grace of all that is. And I APPRECIATE the 50 trillion molecular geniuses that work seamlessly together so that not only do I have the ability to exist at all but you are here for me to share with.
And I APPRECIATE all of your characters for the same reasons I APPRECIATE all four of mine. It is our APPRECIATION for one another that seals our connection. Like plugging our phone into the charger, we can recognize one another, but if we don’t line up those little teeth to make a solid connection, the energy will not flow from the wall socket into the phone. You may recognize what character I am displaying, but when you sincerely APPRECIATE its value and offer gratitude for its existence, that is when we align with one another and manifest a lasting and meaningful connection.
I = INQUIRE
INQUIRE within and invite all Four Characters into the huddle. Once I have pushed the pause button and become aware of my BREATH, and then RECOGNIZED which of my Four Characters I have been embodying, as well as RECOGNIZED which characters of others are around, I have then offered APPRECIATION up for all of our characters. At this point in the Brain Huddle, it is time for us as a collective of all Four Characters to INQUIRE about what our best next move might be. We INQUIRE when we are curious, and we are curious when we care. Using the tool of the Brain Huddle, our Four Characters come together to voice their opinions. We INQUIRE by first observing ourselves, second by observing those around us, third by observing ourselves in response to those around us, and fourth by observing how others are responding to us.
Say, for example, I walk into a room where a couple has been arguing as two Character 2s. In that moment it would be appropriate for my Four Characters to privately take a Brain Huddle to INQUIRE about what we might consciously choose to do next. Since my Character 4 has already ascertained the tension in the air, it might be good for my Character 3 to hop in with some comic relief. However, if I don’t know these folks very well, that strategy might fall flat. Choosing to bring my Character 1 on board instead, so she can address the logistics and perhaps offer some assistance if needed, might prove to be the best plan.
Not long ago, I was driving down the highway when the car in front of me swerved and accidently hit a rabbit. As I approached I saw the animal was clearly hurt but had not yet crossed the rainbow bridge. In that moment I felt myself flood with an array of intense emotions, and I instinctively invited my Four Characters into a Brain Huddle. During the INQUIRY, they all had something to share. Little Abby had been instantly flooded with enormous grief and reactively didn’t know what to do other than freak out. Character 1, Helen, tried to determine if she should turn around to try to help the animal or just keep going forward because there was an impatient driver tailgating us. Pigpen wondered, Huh, I don’t have a rabbit in mymammalian brain collection, while Queen Toad closed the INQUIRY by choosing to hold the rabbit in a tenderhearted place from afar. All four of my characters agreed to sit in quiet prayer, sending love to the creature whatever its fate was.
If I am showing up as a Character 1 most of the time, it is not my nature to choose to INQUIRE very often. Since our Character 1 is busy getting the job done rather than exploring new possibilities, encouraging our Character 1 to pause, shift into huddle mode, and then INQUIRE with the others about what their opinions are is generally a helpful idea. When I do INQUIRE, I am curious about how I am showing up, and I am curious about who you are showing up to be as well. When we INQUIRE and are being curious, we are engaging our right-brain Characters 3 and 4, and these two characters can provide a refreshing perspective and neurological reset.
INQUIRY is a great gift that we offer others, as it lets them know we are available for a real connection. When we INQUIRE into both ourselves and others, we accept, encourage, and invite everyone’s Four Characters to participate in both the huddle and in choosing the next strategic move in the game of life. This is particularly important when someone is in discomfort or feeling the need to be right, as it invites everyone’s Four Characters to participate with their unique insights. By taking responsibility for the character I embody, I take responsibility for the energy I bring into a room.
N = NAVIGATE
NAVIGATE our new reality with all Four Characters bringing their best game.
For the Brain Huddle we began by consciously choosing to pause and take a deep BREATH so we could bring ourselves to the forefront of our mind in the present moment. Then we RECOGNIZED which character we were exhibiting and expressed APPRECIATION for that specific skill set, as well as appreciation for the awareness that all the other characters were available for action. Next, all four of our characters joined together in the Brain Huddle for an intensive INQUIRY about current circumstances, and now it is time for our Four Characters to NAVIGATE our new reality as a team.
Life is a moving target, with change as the only constant. The Brain Huddle allows us to consciously shift away from our natural tendency to react on automatic and purposely take responsibility for who and how we want to be. Our circumstances are constantly changing, so choosing a static response to a moving target will inevitably result in failure.
If we are to be successful, our Four Characters need to be available to NAVIGATE our life and be flexible with whatever characters show up in others. Say, for example, I just bought a shirt that had a stain on it that I did not realize was there until I stepped out of the store and into the parking lot. In that moment all four of my characters had an opinion, of course. Abby felt disgruntled and put out, Helen needed to go right back into the store and replace it immediately, Pigpen was happy to look at all the sparkly stuff some more, and Queen Toad knew we had plenty of time so all was well.
During INQUIRY, my Four Characters decided that this was a perfect task for Helen, so back into the store we went with Helen in the lead to exchange the item for an identical one. At the customer support desk, we could have encountered any of the Four Characters. A Character 1 clerk might choose to escort me back to the shirts and help me find a replacement, because they value me as a customer and want me happy. A Character 2 might be a stickler for the rules and insist that I fill out the paperwork for a return. Then I would have to go find a new shirt and wait in line again to buy it. A Character 3 or 4 customer service clerk would probably just wave me through so I could replace the item without any hassle. Each of my Four Characters would NAVIGATE, with flexibility, whatever character we encountered. If it turned out that we were working with a Character 2, Helen would purposely keep Abby at bay and breathe deeply, while Queen Toad might choose to say something complimentary and kind to the person. We NAVIGATE who we are moment by moment, depending on who we encounter.
We really do have the power to choose who and how we want to be in the world, and we have so much more power over what is going on inside of our brains than we have ever been taught. In his wonderful book Getting toYes with Yourself, my good friend Bill Ury shares the strategy of “going to the balcony” when it is time to undertake, or NAVIGATE, an intense negotiation. In the language of the Four Characters, Bill is encouraging people to step into the consciousness of their Character 4 so they can bring their big-picture perspective into the conversation. When we are willing to explore what both sides have in common, and find our way past our emotion, we can NAVIGATE our way into an outcome that feels like success for both parties.
The Reset
As we have explored, the Brain Huddle can be a fantastic tool for our Four Characters to use on a regular basis when we are not in distress. I use this tool many times a day just to get a clue about how I am showing up in my life. By strengthening this circuitry and using this tool regularly, I know that I can call on any of my Four Characters at any time. And I have to admit, it’s fun watching my characters in the wild.
In addition, I have shared how I have used the Brain Huddle tool during extreme duress, and how it has provided me with a lifeline when I needed it the most. The B-R-A-I-N acronym itself reminds me that all of my characters are always available, even when I can’t feel them. It anchors my knowing that I am not alone, and that I am okay.
The Brain Huddle is also a powerful tool for resetting our connection with another person in a moment of conflict or distress. It is important to remember that inside every relationship or encounter there are eight of us vying for the microphone. When all eight of our characters are trying to get along, it is not unusual for one of our Character 2s to be triggered unexpectedly. And once our emotional Character 2 has been triggered, although it may take only 90 seconds for that emotion to flush through and pass out of us, if we reengage too soon, when we are still feeling vulnerable, we may end up being retriggered.
When we fight with another person, it is important to recognize that the energy in the space between us has become just as charged as we are. Turning off neuronal circuits is somewhat similar to turning off electrical circuits, in that it takes a little bit of time for the energy to completely dissipate and neutralize. It is important that our Four Characters take some time to completely reset before entering back into a tense or toxic setting.
Thus, creating physical space between us and the other person is generally a really good idea, even if it just means stepping into another room. Next, if both parties are aware of their Four Characters, and each is willing to take a Brain Huddle, this is a good first step to renewing a positive connection. If even only one person is willing to step out of their Character 2 and engage in a Brain Huddle, there is hope for a reconnection. However, I will repeat: two Character 2s will never find resolution until one of them is willing to step out of that character and embody one of their other characters.
Whether you find yourself challenged in an encounter with another person or emotionally triggered and navigating a stressful situation on your own, the Brain Huddle offers a powerful opportunity for a reset. Besides proving to be a fantastic tool for normal healthy living, the B-R-A-I-N acronym has the power to beam like a neon light through the blinding fog of a devastating bout of negative emotion. If you ever need to rescue yourself from a desperate situation, let this be an anchor.
COMING UP NEXT: THE FOUR CHARACTERS IN THE WILD
Now that we have examined each of the Four Characters in detail, as well as the benefits of bringing them together in the Brain Huddle as a tool for both crisis management and daily living, let’s take a closer look at the Four Characters in different areas of real life. I like to call this “the Four
Characters in the wild.”
In Chapter 9 we will delve into the intimate relationship between our Four Characters and how they relate to and take care of our body, in both wellness and in illness. Unquestionably our most important relationship is the one between our brain and body, and all of the Four Characters are quite predictable in how they look at, attend to, and nurture this vital relationship.
In Chapter 10 we will consider the Four Characters and how they interact in romantic relationship with the Four Characters of a potential partner. Our whole world revolves around how we connect with others and how they connect with us. The Four Characters have different values, and they live our lives and establish our relationships with one another based upon those values. In this chapter we will take a peek at who might be attracted to whom, which combinations are likely to work, and some of the dynamics we can predict based on what we know about the Four Characters. You will probably recognize some of your own patterns, and hopefully gain a little insight into your own relationships.
Chapter 11 views the Four Characters from a completely different perspective. It is one thing for us to approach this material through the filter of a healthy brain, but in this chapter we will talk about what is going on in the brain that is managing alcoholism, addiction, or recovery. The Four Characters material up to this point has been all about helping us create healthy relationships within our own brain, as well as between our brain and others, through the creation of healthy connections. Because drugs and alcohol cause brain cells to disconnect rather than connect with one another, they not only interfere with the operation and function of our own brain, but they also create disconnection in our interpersonal relationships and have the power to derail them.
In Chapter 11 we will explore how understanding the Four Characters might help a person create the conditions necessary to successfully navigate a recovery program such as the Twelve Step Program of Alcoholics Anonymous (AA). Thanks to our brain’s neuroplasticity and neurogenesis, we have the ability to heal and recover from all sorts of trauma, including drug and alcohol abuse. As we dig more deeply into what is going on in the brain for a successful recovery at the level of the Four Characters, we will discuss how the AA Twelve Step Program, the Brain Huddle, and the Hero’s Journey are in many ways the same journey toward healing.
Finally, in Chapter 12 we will expand our vision of the brain and our Four Characters into the bigger picture of humanity. We will take a look at the evolution of our Four Characters over the last hundred years in the U.S. through the filter of our generational differences. In addition, we will look closely at the influence technology has had on both our brain and the expression of our Four Characters. We will walk away with a better understanding of how we are neurologically different from our children, especially at the level of our Four Characters.
As you read through the following chapters, regardless of the specific subject, I think you will find the behavior of each of the Four Characters to be both consistent and predictable. In addition, you will probably recognize your own attitudes and behaviors quite easily. It is important to note that you may readily identify with multiple of your characters under different circumstances. Although we each may have a dominant character, we really do tend to exhibit all Four Characters in different situations. Considering there is no right or wrong, I am hoping what you learn about yourself will be fun for you.
Please remember that although you may recognize some of your tendencies from past behavior, you are not bound to your old programming. Many of us have been running on automatic for such a long time that our health and well-being may have suffered. Now that you know you have the power to choose, and you know what your Four Characters options are and how to bring them together in a Brain Huddle, you might choose to make different decisions. For example, if you have traditionally managed an illness with your Character 2, you may now choose to let your Character 1 take over that role. Or if you have young children and tend to parent with your Character 1, you might try shaking things up a bit and show up doing a Character 1 task as a fun-loving Character 3 instead.
As I mentioned early on, we have more power over what is going on inside of our brain than we were ever taught. History is filled with examples of remarkable people who have not only endured and survived horrible treatment and events but have come out of it emotionally and cognitively empowered. Following a beating for civil disobedience, Mahatma Gandhi is said to have professed, “Nobody can hurt me without my permission.” Essentially, he was declaring the realm of his brain as his own domain. This is the ultimate power of our Four Characters.