DISCONNECTION AND RECONNECTION — OUR FOUR CHARACTERS IN ADDICTION AND RECOVERY
As I discussed in the earliest chapters, at the level of the single-celled organism, the meaning of life appears to be the ability to stimulate and be stimulated by that which is outside of oneself. The semipermeable membrane of the single cell allows some things to enter into the organism while blocking other things from entry. In addition, that membrane is stippled with specific types of receptors that will attract the cell toward some things in the external world or repel the cell and push it off onto a different trajectory, like two repelling magnets.
When the consciousness of the universe conceived single-celled microbes, it not only attained a higher level of order in the form of life, but it also manufactured a way in which it could keep itself stimulated and probably entertained. Via the semipermeable membrane, the universe manifested a way in which a portion of itself could be pinched off from the rest, establishing an original duality of consciousness through the establishment of a this and a that (a life-form and a universe). With the creation of the microbe, a conversation between the consciousness within the cell and the consciousness of the universe embarked full force.
This conversation is comparable to what is going on inside each of our brains, except we are multicellular creatures rather than single-celled microbes. As a result, our neurons exist in three levels of environment rather than just the inner world of the microbe and the outer world of the universe. Neurons have an internal world that is separate from and functionally in relationship with the immediate extracellular space that surrounds it. The extracellular matrix is the space that is located between the different neurons within our brain, and neuronal intercommunication is completely dependent on the molecules (and the electrical charges of those molecules) for their communication to be successful.
In the human, a brain’s intelligence is dependent on the number of connections between the neurons that make up that brain. Functionally, intelligence is not simply a product of the size of a brain or the number of neurons in a brain. In order for intelligence to occur, the neurons must share their information with one another via connections.
A brain that has a lot of connections between its neurons is like a person with a computer who has access to all of the information on the Internet, compared to a person who is working with a computer that is not online. The person with the Internet connection has access to a massive volume of information, and the person without an Internet connection only has access to whatever is stored on their hard drive. Similarly, the more connections we have between our neurons, the more those neurons communicate with one another, adding their information to the overall knowledge base. In addition, as we increase the connections between the neurons in our brain, we develop higher levels of differentiation and refinement in the quality of our ability to think and feel.
CELL TRAUMA AND CONSCIOUS LIVING
When I was cut off from the thinking and emotional cells of my left hemisphere on the morning of the stroke, I was no longer privy to the information those cells held. Subsequently I lost language and any ability to comprehend that there were people who were separate from me. I lost all ability to communicate with anyone because I did not know that they existed at all.
In and of itself, losing my left-brain consciousness was unquestionably an amazing experience, but if I am to be alive and function as a normal and healthy human being in relationship with other people, my neurons are clearly a precious commodity. I have learned that my worldview is 100 percent dependent on the health and well-being of my brain cells and their connections with one another. I worked so hard for eight years to replenish those neural connections that I not only recognize their value but now do everything I can to protect them.
Yet not all of us take equal care to protect our brains’ connections. Because we live in a world that values what we have in the form of external wealth and celebrity (Characters 1 and 2) over who we are as a precious form of life (Characters 3 and 4), many of us are not finding meaning in our lives and are choosing to escape through the use of alcohol and drugs.
In choosing the topic for this chapter, I certainly recognize that it would be much more fun for us to explore how the Four Characters select a Netflix series or pick a vacation. But at this juncture we need to investigate this subject, because there is nothing more destructive to our brains than addiction to drugs and alcohol. Addiction is a disease that disregards any socioeconomic or educational boundaries. It is a universal problem that does not discriminate between the homeless man and the millionaire in the mansion.
The neurological abuse that so many of us are actively engaging in through the use of alcohol and drugs is not only self-destructive but gets in the way of us having healthy relationships with other people. And it places an enormous strain on the health and well-being of humanity as a whole. A healthy society is made up of a collection of healthy brains, and a healthy
brain is made up of healthy cells that are in communication with one another. We have the ability to choose whether we want to live our lives running on automatic or live our lives more consciously. We can either bounce around unconsciously like microbes in the wind with no direction, or we can choose to evolve our brains toward whole-brain living. Calling our Four Characters into the Brain Huddle offers us a tool that we can use to do this and to purposely live more consciously directed, balanced, and meaningful lives.
How we want to live is a personal decision, and I realize that many of us have chosen to use drugs and alcohol out of a desire to simply disconnect from reality, for whatever reason. Unfortunately our brains are naturally inclined to become addicted, and the more we disconnect from reality, the more our brain cells disconnect from one another and the more rigid we become in our thinking and feeling. When we are running our addiction circuitry, we are running on automatic in such a way that our circuitry is running us. This is exactly the opposite of living consciously and choosing who and how you want to be. If an addiction is running your brain, rest assured that you can find support, and there are effective tools that you can use to regain your power, break those cellular patterns, and live the life you want to live.
The best news of all is that neuroplasticity is real, and we do have the power to heal our brains and have a successful recovery if we are willing to consistently do the work. Millions of people all around the world are using the Alcoholics Anonymous Twelve Step Program as they attempt to attain and hold on to their sobriety. In the following pages we are going to look more closely at various tools as they relate to the brain, including the Twelve Steps, the Brain Huddle of the Four Characters, the Hero’s Journey, and the story of the Buddha’s journey to enlightenment. Although each of these tools and narratives uses different language, they all describe a similar shift in awareness and consciousness at the level of the brain.
Here we will explore the issues of addiction and recovery as they relate to the Four Characters in the hope that we might gain some insight into how we can effectively help ourselves and our loved ones who are in need.
WHEN ADDICTION TOUCHED MY LIFE
Many years ago I found myself in a romantic relationship with an addict who was abusing both drugs and alcohol. In my naivety I forced my love to choose between having a healthy relationship with me and continuing to abuse. To my horror and surprise, I lost that gamble, and I found myself at an Al-Anon meeting wondering what the heck had just happened to my life. In that meeting I learned that although my primary relationship had been with a person, my partner’s primary relationship was with alcohol. Although this was a devastating realization for me, this clarity gave me the courage to practice self-love, let go of the relationship, and choose my own mental health.
Up to that point in time, I had spent my academic career studying the brain with a focus on schizophrenia at both the neuroanatomical and psychiatric levels. My own painstaking experience with rebuilding my brain following that severe stroke left me in awe of how vulnerable and fragile both life and this beautiful organ really are. Having worked so hard to recover my own brain, it seemed completely unconscionable to me that anyone would choose to disrespect and abuse their brain cells on purpose.
As a curious scientist, once addiction had touched my life directly, I naturally began to explore the power of addiction at the level of the brain. Not only did I want to better understand what was going on at a cellular level in the brain circuitry of those who abuse drugs and alcohol, but equally important, I wanted to comprehend what was going on in the hearts and minds of those of us who love these people as our friends and family. Inevitably this line of questioning has led me into the centuries-old theme of suffering, and why is it that we human beings will stay in emotional relationships that are clearly not life giving? Also of equal importance, how might we support people who are not interested in helping themselves?
Prior to my stroke and during my 20s, I was addicted to menthol tobacco. For this reason I am intimately familiar with the stories we tell ourselves and others about why we are engaging in these destructive behaviors, e.g., the menthol opens my nasal passages so I can breathe more deeply. My favorite excuse for smoking was that cigarettes slowed my brain down enough so I could type as quickly as I could think. I used tobacco to help me write my dissertation. That may actually have been true, but it was still a poor excuse.
During the decade that I was a smoker, I felt incredible shame. After all, I was a medical professional in training who knew not only how hazardous smoking was for my health but how disrespectful it was to my cells. Regardless, my deep shame was not powerful enough for me to quit. I tried to stop several times, but the craving was stronger than my discipline, so I would start up again. I hated that I would binge on another pack and then have to start that counter all over again due to my relapse. I felt deep pain that here I was, a strong academic with a powerful mind, being controlled by something that was four inches long. The worst part was that once I indulged, I would crash even deeper into despair than when I was just craving. I was miserable about how deeply seated the addiction was in my brain, and I abhorred its power.
I did eventually stop cold turkey when my mother, in all of her infinite wisdom, offered me—a starving graduate student—$10 a day for every day I did not smoke, for the rest of my life. My Character 1 jumped right on that bribe, my Character 2 went into therapy about the addiction, and after celebrating three months I was so elated to be a nonsmoker that I let my mom off the hook. I am so grateful to this day for that bribe, yet even now, over 30 years later, that addiction is so engrained in my brain that I occasionally find myself smoking in my dreams.
I want to emphasize that I understand completely that addiction at the level of our brain is a powerful and devastating condition. I am absolutely in no way minimizing the experience or the profound nature of these disorders, and I respect that many of those who remain caught in the throes of any form of addiction desperately want relief and often live their lives in the ongoing fear that one day, they will use again.
A COMMON STORY
Addiction is viewed as a family disease, and when the Four Characters conversation is used within a family that is willing to stop their judgment and lay down their swords, people may better understand what is actually going on in the thought processes of the other. Al-Anon, which I mentioned above, is a special program for the friends and family of alcoholics, and it uses Al-Anon language. Alcoholics Anonymous is a program for users and its language is specific to it. By contrast, the Four Characters can offer a common language for both the user and their loved ones, offering clarity and understanding to what is actually going on in the thinking processes of both parties.
Let’s listen in on an example of an internal conversation that may be going on inside the brain of an alcoholic who is intoxicated and the brain of a loved one, framed in the language of the Four Characters.
Let’s say I am an alcoholic and when I am drinking, my brain is singularly focused on what it feels like to be intoxicated. When I am flying high as a kite, I am not aware that I have Four Characters because the voice of the alcohol has completely hijacked my brain, and I’m not capable of rational thought. I feel numb because my brain cells are pickled, and I am no longer capable of feeling any real emotions. By simply using my drug, I have created an enormous disconnect from my life, my pain, my Four Characters, and those who are trying to have a relationship with me.
Because of my alcohol consumption, as one would predict, the Character 1 details of my life fall through cracks. In my stupor I miss scheduled events, and my friends and family are upset because they feel, yet again, neglected and disrespected because I am not showing up as my best and sober self. With my normal range of emotions now limited, which is probably why I drank in the first place, I am emotionally removed and unavailable. My brain cells are high, and by overindulging in the alcohol, I am giving them the message that I don’t value them and I don’t care if they function at all. Because my brain cells are traumatized, they disconnect some of their connections with other neurons, and my thinking and emotional abilities become more rigid and closed-minded because I have fewer cells to work with.
Imagine, then, that my friends and family come to me and gently explain that we had a plan to get together, but because I was drinking, I was neither physically nor emotionally available. As an addict my own Character 1 now comes online, and in its harsh and critical judgment, I begin interrogating myself about how I could have possibly done that, once again letting down not only the people I love but myself. Inside the throes of my own indefensible behavior, my Character 1 is displeased because I let alcohol take control of me, so I did not execute the plan that it (my Character 1) had laid out for me. Instead I irresponsibly relinquished my willpower, neglected my personal hygiene, and denigrated the people I most care about. I used alcohol to turn off the voice of my Characters 1 and 2, and by doing so I completely abandoned everyone, including myself.
At this point in my internal dialogue, Character 2 pops in with a feeling of intense remorse, and I unforgivingly judge myself to be a total failure. Yet at the same time, my Character 2 delineates that I am different from those normal nonaddicts and they do not understand me at all. Consequently, I feel remorse and isolated because I am terminally unique and not like them. They don’t understand that they can go and party and it is easy for them, but I can’t do that, so I feel like I am alone in my pain.
Subsequently I not only let myself down but I let my friends and family down too. I feel shame because this is not my first rodeo, and I am well versed in how to berate myself. I fall into deep despair and wallow in hopelessness. I condemn myself for my own pathetic weakness against the drug. I feel embarrassed, and I might even hate myself for the high. Yet inside my pulsating head, my Character 2 feels like a pressure cooker that is ready to explode with vehement hostility and blame. Of course my addiction is all your fault!
But then I sober up and get some sleep, and if I’m healthy enough, my Character 3 comes back online and I feel fresh and happy again. All I want to do is play with you now, so we can make up and make it all feel better. My Character 3 is eager to heal with you. It wants to just forget about what happened, do a rerun with you, and this time I’ll show up as my fun-loving, charming, innocent, and attractive Character 3 self that you love so much. And because your Character 1 wants desperately to forgive me and trust me again, you go along with the plan.
And in my mind, my Character 4 says today is another perfect day, and what will be will be. Today is a new beginning and today I will not drink. So you and I make up, and we make a new plan to go get pizza tonight. Simple as that, and all is well. Your Character 1 is a bit wary, but it trusts that you can relax now, so you head off to work. My Character 3 goes to exercise, then my Character 1 goes to work, and everything is right in the world, at least until I drink again.
As for you, my friend or family member, your Character 3 is all excited because we are going to play and eat and connect with one another like we used to. But then your Character 2 starts to fear that I am going to drink again, so you start calling me every hour to confirm that I am at work and doing okay. Which really means you are checking to see if I am sober. Then your Character 1 runs home at lunch to get rid of all the booze in your house so there is no temptation for me should I stop by there after the pizza.
But in a moment of craving desire, and remorse and shame for my past behavior, my Character 2 goes over to the pizza place early, and I bingedrink a pitcher of beer before you get there. Your Character 3 comes bouncing in all excited to see me, so my Character 2 lies, and I tell you that I only had one beer. Because your Character 1 wants desperately to believe me, you don’t make a big deal out of it, and your Character 3 is happy.
We are all so pleased that everything is good again. At least until the server comes over to take our pizza order and asks if we would like another pitcher of beer. Then your Character 1 goes ballistic, lashes out with harsh negative judgment, and your Character 2 reprimands me for not having any self-respect or ability to control my drinking. Then in a flash, your Character 2 takes my behavior personally and you start to cry, and then you get up and walk out. Feeling that you have abandoned me, my Character 2 looks to find peace in yet another pitcher of beer. Not at all aware that this happened because I had abandoned myself first in the moment I chose to disconnect and use again.
In your fury and pain, your Character 1 then rationalizes that if you had just called me a little more often, or controlled my money, or my time, or my friends, or, or, maybe this would not have happened. Then your Character 2 comes online and you reproach yourself for my drinking because you didn’t fix me or control me tightly enough. In your own mind, your Character 2 thrashes out that you knew you could not trust me, and then you criticize yourself for trusting me at all. At this point your little Character 2 feels abandoned, judges me negatively, and may even attack me with verbal threats or a bitter tongue. Your Character 2, reeling in her own pain, feels ashamed and powerless and takes on the blame. Knowing full well that your greatest fear is that I am going to die from this disease.
A COMMENT
This kind of dynamic happens regularly between an alcoholic and their friends and family. The alcoholic’s Character 2 says, “I’m scared of you, my friends and family, because if you find out that I am using again, you will judge and criticize me, but mostly, you will stop loving me.” Then their Character 1 decides that they need be deceptive and hide the fact that they are drinking. So they lie, cleverly, and at their worst they gaslight us into believing that our perceptions are wrong.
The alcoholic’s Character 2 will sabotage their emotional connections in an effort to keep their cover, while their friends’ and family’s Character 1s try to address the problem by attending Al-Anon meetings and going to therapy. “ Fix me? Help me? What on earth makes you think that you havethat power? ” professes the alcoholic.
Based on what we now know about the brain, as well as the Four Characters, it is safe to assume that the portion of our brain that is truly emotionally addicted and stays addicted to drugs or alcohol are the cells of our left and right emotional centers. What this means is that if a rehabilitation program is going to succeed, both our Characters 2 and 3 must be on board and committed to doing the emotional work. If they are not willing to participate, the rehabilitation will not deliver a lasting impact.
When an addict/alcoholic strategizes any rehabilitation effort only through the filter of their Character 1, they will jump through the appropriate hoops, clean out their blood, walk the walk, and talk the talk. To a Character 1, this is a successful recovery, even though they have completely neglected to shift their emotional relationship with their substance of choice. Remembering that we are feeling creatures who think, rather than thinking creatures who feel, although our Character 1 may help us shift our beliefs and our behavior, this is not enough for us to achieve a genuine rehabilitation. Unless the Character 1 hits rock bottom and becomes emotionally compromised as their Character 2, relapse is likely.
Alcoholism and addiction are moment-by-moment crises, and although the theme of Twelve Step Programs is one day at a time, the biological hook of addiction rests not only in the power of choice in the present
moment (Character 3) but in the pain, guilt, and shame of our past (Character 2). To complicate matters, addiction has actually rewired our brain and possibly caused damage at the cellular level, disconnecting us from many of the things that make our life worth living. Consequently, although our Character 3 absolutely needs to participate in our recovery because we require its effort to help us make good choices in the present moment, at the core of our brain’s ability to crave, it is our Character 2 who holds the key to a successful rehabilitation. Our Character 2 must be willing to participate in doing the work if recovery is going to last.
When we look more specifically at addiction and rehabilitation, if our Character 1 or 3 jumps through the hoops of our program, we may look clean on the outside. But if our Character 2 is not on board and actively participating in the process, we will relapse. Our Character 1 may come on board because they have a lot to lose, and our Character 3 might show up because it wants to be connected and does not want to feel isolated. But until our Character 2 surrenders its resentments, blame, and shame to our Character 4, there will be no spiritual awakening or true transformation.
Worthy of note, it is possible for an addict who is in rehabilitation to mimic the Character 4 of another person who appears to be finding peace and gaining success inside the program. However, although it is necessary for our Character 4 to come online and lift us above the illness, our Characters 2 and 3 must be intimately engaged in the process or relapse will inevitably occur. We are feeling creatures who think, and there is no way for us to finesse around that fact when it comes to changing any core behavior.
MORE ON FRIENDS AND FAMILY
When I first started exploring the impact of an addict’s behavior on the health and well-being of their friends and family based on my own familial experience with schizophrenia, I have to say that the resemblance was uncanny. How can we adequately support someone who uses or is ill and yet minimize the negative impact of that compromised brain on how we live our own lives and nurture our own mental health?
People who are in relationship with one another tend to balance each other out. For example, if one person enjoys spending a lot of money, their partner often counterbalances that spending by being more fiscally conservative. The same is true when it comes to responsibility. If an addict is behaving in irresponsible ways, it is natural for their friends and family to shift into their responsible Character 1s to balance the dance. It is important to note that counterbalancing someone who is polarized to an extreme is no fun, and the effort feels like a burden for the Character 1. When a Soft Character 1 is cornered in a counterbalance effort, they may well shift into their Hard Character 1, adding stress to the relationship.
I certainly lived with this up close and personal in my own family. Having a brother diagnosed with schizophrenia motivated me and G. G. to team up as our Character 1s. Together we assisted my brother with his medical issues, provided a roof over his head, and kept his insanity in check just enough so that he could stay out of jail. Sometimes we succeeded and sometimes we did not. Our Character 1s managed his illness the best we could, ever complicated by having to battle against confidentiality issues with a system that was not sensitive to the positive intentions of our family. Since my brother was not able to manage his own illness, the responsibility fell to us, and in many ways the conversation listed above between the alcoholic and his family and friends was exactly the same for our family with schizophrenia.
In the case of alcoholism, the Character 1s of the friends and family desperately want to stay engaged with the person they used to know, so they persist in their efforts to help their loved one show up sober. If a Character 1 gives up on their loved one, they have to face the possibility that whatever they shared with that person was not real nor had any true meaning. This can be devastating to a Character 1 who thought they were having an intimate relationship with a person while that person was actually having their primary relationship with their drug of choice.
Once the addict/alcoholic repeatedly shows up for dates and events under the influence, friends and family turn up their Hard Character 1s and start creating strict rules. They set a household program, manage tons of details, create a perfect world, and demand that the addict attend rehab (or take their meds). Character 1s will protect the image of the happy family, make up a story to compensate for bad behavior, and perhaps even protect themselves by becoming a workaholic. Hard Character 1s often choose to travel or work more, simply because dealing with their project out in the world is easier than fixing the addict they have at home.
Friends and family live in extreme stress because they never know when the alcoholic will use again. A Soft Character 1, when placed under the stress of living with an addict, may well change into a Hard 1 because the Hard Character 1 is driven by their fear-based Character 2. Character 1s hide the pain and suffering of their Character 2s in the form of selfabandonment. Friends and family become desperate to keep as much sanity in their lives as they possibly can, so they often give away their power just to keep the peace. Burying their heads in the sand like this, of course, puts the addict in control of the relationship, which bodes a predictable disaster. Yet as long as the addict is working the Twelve Step Program and trying to stay straight, the hope for the friends and family Character 1 is that the relationship will one day miraculously and spontaneously return to the way it was in the beginning.
The friends and family Character 1s know very well that negotiating with an addict is a total waste of time, but rather than admitting to failure and giving up hope, they desperately hold on to the dream. To protect themselves, the friends’ and family’s Character 2s will go to their Character 1s and say, “You need to get a better handle on this. We need more rules, more therapy, more frequent rehab. We also need to make more money so we can eliminate the addict’s stress.” And just like that, in a flash they completely enable their addict to stay at home, unemployed.
The Hard Character 1 goes along with these crazy schemes because for some families, these strategies seem to work, and it is also how they manage to keep themselves sane. To the Hard Character 1, life is like an
Excel spreadsheet, and if they work just a bit harder and smarter, they will find a solution. But sadly, home has become a battleground where no one feels safe. Eventually the Hard Character 1 will wake up completely exhausted, realizing that they have inadvertently abandoned themselves by not listening to the intuition of their own Character 4.
Not wanting to give up on someone they love, or dismiss their dreams as not valid, Characters 1 and 2 hold on desperately to their hope. But after enough pain, Character 1s will throw in the towel when their Character 2s become so overwhelmed, anxious, or depressed that they feel completely powerless and defeated. For the Character 1, the tighter they hold on to the reins of their hopefulness, the more permission they give to the addict to up the ante and escalate the drama to the next level.
STORIES AND STRATEGIES TO HELP OURSELVES
There are a lot of programs that are specifically designed to help us get out of our pain and restore our cognitive connections, both within ourselves and with others. Different programs, of course, have unique appeal depending on what we believe in. There are community programs directed at helping us recover our cognitive stability, deep inner peace, or specifically our sobriety. Be it recovery from our life’s challenges or recovery from substance abuse, finding our way beyond the wound and into a higher level of consciousness requires awareness, willingness, and a heartfelt commitment that is supported by an open mind.
If you believe in the doctrines of religion, then you will be attracted to programs that specifically resonate with your religious beliefs. Similarly, if you describe yourself as spiritual but not religious, programs that use spiritual language might appeal to you. The same is true if you are agnostic or atheist. You may find the language of science and the brain more suitable and therefore more effective in how you choose to live your best life.
Regardless of your beliefs and practices, different programs or ideologies teach pretty much the same message. When it comes to helping ourselves recover from anything, the fundamental message and steps underlying the wisdom of the Hero’s Journey, for example, will naturally appeal to our Characters 1 and 2, because our left-brain characters enjoy a challenge, a quest, and a competition. The story of the Buddha (remembering that Buddhism is a practice and not a religion) uses language that appeals to our Characters 3 and 4, as our right brain is the realm of our enlightenment and redemption. Recovery as it is framed in the Twelve Step Program speaks directly to our Characters 1 and 2, as it commands an acceptance that we are powerless over our drug and we must at least be open to the idea that there is a Higher Power (a Character 4).
Although these different ideologies are unique in how they address our Four Characters, the overall intention and outcome are the same. Each of these narratives is designed to help us obtain a significant realization that will lead us to a fundamental change. Each of these narratives will lead us out of our left-brain Characters 1 and 2 and into the peaceful realm of our right-brain Character 4. The peace is just a thought away concept of the Brain Huddle can appeal to and empower each of our Four Characters simultaneously, leading them all to invest their energy and collaborate successfully.
We all have problems and we all suffer emotionally. In the case of the Buddha, he awakened to the understanding that the cause of our suffering is our emotional attachments. Thus when we lose things, people, titles, and freedoms that we want to hold on to, we experience emotional pain. In the case of the Hero’s Journey, we hear and heed a calling to embark on a great adventure, eventually stepping out of our ignorance and into our wisdom. While in the case of the Brain Huddle, our Four Characters come together in agreement to bring our best and most authentic self forward. Finally, the Twelve Steps ground our efforts toward sobriety and recovery, literally step by step. Regardless of which of these paths we are naturally inclined to follow, or which story or strategy resonates with us best, a committed effort by all four of our characters should result in some form of resurrection, and freedom from that which roots us in our pain.
When it comes to suffering, we have cells that perform that function. We either succumb to it, linger in it, or try to move beyond it. Some of us will use an addiction in an attempt to escape suffering, but sadly, that only masks the real problem that eventually will need to be addressed. These tools, and many others that are not listed here, are quite specific in their storyline but when practiced faithfully should lead to a common outcome. Peace really is just a thought away, and the key to your brain’s health will rest in your ability to find the story that speaks to you, followed by your commitment to that technique.
Regardless of the details, the steps we take to find peace remain consistent. First, we must recognize that there is a problem or a change that we want to make happen, which must be followed by a willingness to work for that change. Right out of the gate, we must be willing to step out of our left-brain ego and shift into the higher consciousness or unconsciousness of our right brain. Embarking on this part of the journey is often the most difficult step, as it requires us to recognize and admit that our small-self ego-brain must step to the side if we are to grow beyond what we currently are.
Setting down our ego, regardless of the program, can feel like death, and our left brain will fight to maintain its own existence. It does not want to hand its control over to the unknown because doing so feels scary. In the case of the Hero’s Journey, these are the monsters that it must battle. For the AA Twelve Step Program, steps 1 and 2 require that we admit that we are powerless over our addiction and that we need help from our Higher Power. To obtain enlightenment the Buddha had to step away from of all of his worldly possessions, including his knowledge, money, titles, and even the people he loved. In the language of the Four Characters, we must be willing to step out of our left-brain Characters 1 and 2 and step into the presentmoment consciousness of our right here, right now, right-brain Characters 3 and 4.
Each of these narratives requires a leap of faith. We must be willing to step beyond what we have held as true and recognize that there is something greater than us that will both hold us and guide us safely into the unknown. This can be a very tall order, so it might be helpful to know that even when we do choose to set our ego aside, it is always right there, eager and ready to jump right back online at a moment’s notice.
THE JOURNEY OF RECOVERY
Throughout this book we have touched on the storyline of the Hero’s Journey. When we come to explore it more deeply, it becomes obvious that these stages are closely parallel to the AA and NA (Narcotics Anonymous) Twelve Step Programs. These are spiritually based programs that are successfully worked by millions of alcoholics and drug addicts throughout the world. They are organized in such a way that they provide a detailed, step-by-step road map to a successful and ongoing recovery.
The similarity starts with the very first steps. In the language of the Four Characters, in order for a Twelve Step Program to be an effective tool for recovery, the alcoholic/addict must be willing to step out of their left-brain Characters 1 and 2 and step into the consciousness of their right-brain Character 4, or at least believe that it is out there and available.
Even the final steps of these different ideologies look the same. In the case of the hero, to complete his journey he must return to his old life, completely conscious and willing to share the wisdom of his redemption with others. For the alcoholic the resurrection is a planned and spontaneousremission of the illness that he must continue to nurture and maintain through his relationship with his Higher Power, and he must return to his life and . carry his message to others
No matter which program we choose to use, once we have established a healthy relationship with our Character 4 Higher Power/God/Infinite Being, we exist in a deep connection to all that is precious in this life. This relationship with our Higher Power innately emboldens and empowers us to continue working the program of our choice, and we will sustain our sobriety and/or our deep inner peace.
A healthy brain is a brain that is made up of healthy cells that are in connection with one another. Let us take a closer look at the details of the Twelve Step Program of Alcoholics Anonymous, as written in the format of the originating members of the Society, alongside the steps in the Hero’s Journey and the experience of the Four Characters in quest of a healthy brain. It is my hope that as you explore these steps and stories, you will realize your own journey.
AA Step 1. We admitted we were powerless over alcohol—that our liveshad become unmanageable.
Four Characters:
My Character 1 is a great taskmaster, and its area of expertise is taking care of the details of my life. At this point my Character 1 admits that I am powerless over this addiction, and that my life has deteriorated to a level that is not sustainable or manageable.
Hero’s Journey:
In the Hero’s Journey, I recognize that a change needs to occur and there is a quest to be had. I hear the dragon calling.
AA Step 2. Came to believe that a Power greater than ourselves couldrestore us to sanity.
Four Characters:
By this point my Character 1 has admitted and acknowledged that my problem is too big for me to fix by myself. When my Character 1 looks around at others who have had this same problem, it is clear that those who are actively working the Twelve Step Program have discovered a way to control their addiction and feel better. My Character 1 realizes that those who are engaged in a successful rehabilitation have established a spiritual relationship with something that is greater than themselves, and that within that relationship with their Character 4, there has been a psychic shift leading to a profound redemption. I don’t completely understand this at this point, but I know I want it.
Hero’s Journey:
I realize there is a quest waiting for me, and I decide that I am willing to embark on that journey because I am ready for a change. At this point I begin battling my monsters that don’t want me to change, including the grip of my ego-self. I choose to gather up my courage and face my fears, heeding the call of the journey.
AA Step 3. Made a decision to turn our will and our lives over to thecare of God as we understood Him.
Four Characters:
My left-brain Characters 1 and 2 have been living a pretty self-centered, egocentric life.
When I look at my life closely and I am totally honest with myself, my left-brain Characters 1 and 2 are aware that if I really do want to be sober, I need to hitch my wagon up to another wagon that is more stable and reliable than I am. Since the Twelve Step Program encourages me to embrace my Higher Power, who is a Character 4 of my own inclination and of my own making rather than the God of another, my left-brain Characters 1 and 2 can relax and feel safe enough to participate. I am willing to give my God, my Character 4 consciousness, the keys to drive my life because up to this point my left-brain characters have repeatedly driven the vehicle of my life right off the road into a ditch.
Hero’s Journey:
For me to be willing to step out of the rational consciousness of my leftbrain Character 1 and into the unknown consciousness of a Higher Power Character 4, I must first be aware that this is what I want and then be willing to follow through. As I defeat my monsters, I become released from their power to hold me down as my small and fearful self.
AA Step 4. Made a searching and fearless moral inventory of ourselves.
Four Characters:
In order for me to cleanse the path to my Higher Power Character 4, my Character 1 must take a long, hard look at both the road I have traveled and the assumptions I have lived by. Many of these assumptions have kept me bound to my own Character 2’s negligent self-destruction, and her emotional wounds have played an enormous role in my demise. My Character 2’s pain has pitted many of the potholes that I have fallen into and consistently forced me off the road.
Hero’s Journey:
On my Hero’s Quest, my Characters 1 and 2 look squarely at my life, and my Character 2 takes full responsibility for the resentments that I have built up and lived with over time. In addition, my Character 2 takes full responsibility for the blame that I have placed on others. As my left-brain characters become more secure and I become more sober, I begin to embrace the possibility, and the hope, that there is a different life path out there for me. A life that is free of this pain and addiction. A life that is free of these monsters.
AA Step 5. Admitted to God, to ourselves, and to another human beingthe exact nature of our wrongs.
Four Characters:
Although I have not yet met my God, the consciousness of my Character 4, I am open, willing, and ready to do what I need to do to create that relationship with my Higher Power. My Characters 1 and 2 are owning the mistakes I have made in my life, and I am actively washing my slate clean as I prepare for this journey into the consciousness of my right brain. I have seen the success that others have had because their God (Character 4) has shown up in their lives. I am committed to this process and ready to step out of my left-brain shame, guilt, and pain and into the right-brain consciousness of my Character 4 Higher Power.
Hero’s Journey:
I, the hero, am embracing this stage of transformation that I must undergo before I can evolve to the next level of my being. By defeating the monsters of my past behavior that have held me back, and by admitting to others, myself, and my Higher Power the unattractive truths of my existence, I am consciously stepping beyond my pain, out of my left-brain ego-self, and into my right-brain Character 4, where I will find enlightenment.
AA Step 6. Were entirely ready to have God remove all these defects ofcharacter.
Four Characters:
My Characters 1 and 2 have taken complete responsibility for all the choices I have made, the things I have done, and the pain I have instilled in others. My Characters 1 and 2 have made peace within myself through a true forgiveness of my own weaknesses. With an open heart, my left-brain Characters 1 and 2 recognize that the reason why I have done what I have done is because of my own deep inner pain, and now that I have acknowledged and forgiven myself for my shortcomings, I am no longer paralyzed by them, and I can move forward to create a relationship with my Character 4 Higher Power.
Hero’s Journey:
I am now ready to embark on my quest. I have faced the flaws and limitations of my left-brain Characters 1 and 2 and accepted responsibility for my previous actions. I have offered myself forgiveness and cleansed myself of my wrongdoings, and I am now ready for a real and lasting change. As the hero, I am now ready to step beyond the consciousness of my left brain and into the consciousness of my right-brain Character 4 so I can exist in the peaceful and euphoric consciousness of my Higher Power.
AA Step 7. Humbly asked God to remove our shortcomings.
Four Characters:
My Characters 1 and 2 have looked deep within and taken complete responsibility for my weaknesses. At this point I humbly ask my compassionate Character 4 Higher Power to come into my heart, release my small-ego Character 2 from its pain, and heal me in a way that I could not heal myself. Held divinely in the mindset of my right-brain Character 4, I feel the deep inner peace and unconditional love of this Higher Power as it restores my hope for a new beginning.
Hero’s Journey:
At this point, all of my preparations are completed and I step out of my left-brain pain into the unconsciousness of my right-brain Character 4. I am immediately filled with the wisdom of the universe and spontaneously released from my self-induced, left-brain crucifixions.
AA Step 8. Made a list of all persons we had harmed, and becamewilling to make amends to them all.
Four Characters:
Now that I am in communion with my right-brain Higher Power Character 4, I am on a different path that is rooted in different values. In order for me to create a new foundation that is solid, however, my Characters 1 and 2 must look back at the pitfalls of the road I traveled, make a list of where I deviated from my authentic truth, and assess whom I have wronged along the way.
I have to live in this world with others, so my Characters 1 and 2 must be willing to make amends for my past behavior and try to right my history of wrongs. It is time for me to ask for the grace and forgiveness of others so I can move down this new road in peace with their blessing. This is how my Character 1 ends the hustle of doing for my worthiness and steps beyond the hustle of being what I need to be to be worthy. At this stage I am actually engaged in relationship and being with the consciousness of my Character 4. The hustle of my left brain stops here, and I can relax in the peacefulness of my right-brain consciousness.
Hero’s Journey:
I look at my life and acknowledge the challenges as well as the monsters that I both created and then faced down to get to this point. I have found peace in this relationship with my Higher Power, and it is now time for me to examine the amends I need to make with those I turned into monsters along the way. I need to forgive others and be forgiven by others so I can release the burden of my past and move on. It is time for me to make a list.
AA Step 9. Made direct amends to such people wherever possible,except when to do so would injure them or others.
Four Characters:
Although I have made peace with myself via my Characters 1 and 2, and opened the door to my Higher Power Character 4, the road ahead would be a lot easier for everyone, including those I have hurt, if they would accept my apology, forgive my past indiscretions, and wish me well on my new endeavor. Apologizing, and thus neutralizing the pain I have caused in others, helps me not only step out of the shame of my Character 2 but move beyond it. It is not enough for me to forgive myself for my past. I need to own it, forgive it, ask for forgiveness from others, and then genuinely release it.
Hero’s Journey:
When my Character 2 stops fighting and is willing to show up and make amends with everyone it has scorned, I defeat both the real and imagined monsters that I have spent a lifetime battling. When my Character 2 is able to relax and I step into the loving consciousness of my Character 4, I gain the power to step beyond the shame of my past and into the love of my Higher Power. At this point, when I accept and forgive myself for the road I traveled, I release that past pain and open my heart to the beauty of what is right here, right now in the present moment. By embracing my Character 4, I embrace my own divine being, and I feel peace.
AA Step 10. Continued to take personal inventory and when we werewrong promptly admitted it.
Four Characters:
My Characters 1 and 2 have enjoyed dominating my life for a very long time, and they remain well versed in how to live an automated, unconscious life. It is critical that I pay attention to what is going on inside of my brain so that I purposely protect myself from reverting to my old left-brain Character 1 and 2 habits that led me into drinking in the first place.
Now that I am awake in the consciousness of our Character 4, I need to purposely nurture that relationship so that circuitry can become strong. Our brains are cells that communicate in circuits, and the more often we run a circuit, the stronger that circuit becomes. This means that all of my old addiction circuitry that I have been running for a long time remains wired in my brain. In order for me to weaken those circuits and escape their cravings and desires, I need first to get sober and then purposefully and consciously strengthen my new circuits by continuing to take an honest personal inventory about what is going on inside.
My Character 2 is the home of my expression of blame, my feelings of shame, and all of my other deep emotional pains. The cells making up my Character 2 never mature, which means that these cells will always have a natural propensity to rerun my old addictive patterns. It is imperative that I understand that the circuitry underlying my addiction will always be in my brain, ready to rerun at any moment. This is why I must purposely protect myself from the cravings and fears of my Character 2, especially when I am feeling hungry, angry, lonely, or tired (HALT—taught by AA programs).
Hero’s Journey:
Once I have met the Character 4 consciousness of my Higher Power, my spirit is cleansed and I become filled with divine wonder. However, once I have found this connection, it is important that I nurture and strengthen my relationship with my Higher Power, because once I return to my old life, my left-brain Characters 1 and 2 will come right back online and be tempted to engage in those old behaviors.
AA Step 11. Sought through prayer and meditation to improve ourconscious contact with God, as we understood Him, praying only forknowledge of His will for us and the power to carry that out.
Four Characters:
When I pay attention and consciously choose to nurture the relationship between my left-brain Characters 1 and 2 and my right-brain Character 4, I strengthen that circuitry in my brain. With practice I gain the ability to instantly step out of the consciousness of my left-brain characters and directly into the consciousness and peacefulness of my Character 4. This ability is how I own my power, and how I choose moment by moment who and how I want to be in the world.
Hero’s Journey:
By this point I have found my way beyond the monsters of my past, and I have stepped into the overwhelming sense of freedom and bliss that exists at the distant end of my journey. During this spiritual awakening, I have found the deep inner peace and clarity that I yearned for, as I am now enveloped in the enlightenment of my Character 4. Not only do I feel better but I feel relieved of my pain. At this point I will either choose to return to the left-brain character life that I led before, and share my hard-won insights with others, or I will choose to keep this newfound wisdom to myself. If for some reason, once I have returned to my old life, I do not continue to run my newfound circuitry, I will relapse back into the person I was before I heeded the journey.
AA Step 12. Having had a spiritual awakening as the result of theseSteps, we tried to carry this message to alcoholics [others], and topractice these principles in all our affairs.
Four Characters:
Just as the hero returns to his life with a new wisdom, so does the alcoholic who is in recovery. The alcoholic has traveled from the hell of his
Characters 1 and 2 addiction to the salvation and freedom of his divine, right-brain Character 4. The alcoholic is now free to consciously live a different life, knowing full well that the circuitry of his addiction remains intact, leaving him vulnerable to a relapse at any moment. The alcoholic in recovery then returns to the world of other alcoholics who are in pain and shares with them his insights and newly found wisdom. By consciously choosing to repeat the last few steps of the program routinely, he need not weaken or flounder. Our alcoholic in recovery is the life-force power of the universe, and he can consciously choose at any moment which circuitry and which character he wants to embody.
Hero’s Journey:
Just as the alcoholic who is in recovery returns to his life with his new insight, so does the hero. As I return home and choose to share my enlightenment with others who are in pain, I offer them hope for a different path and a brighter tomorrow.
THE POWER OF THE BRAIN HUDDLE, HERO’S JOURNEY, AND TWELVE STEP PROGRAMS
When I consider the profound impact of these lessons, I am reminded of one of my favorite Marianne Williamson sermons. She shares with us that we have the ability to hand our problems over to God, and although God is on our team, He does not merely jump on board and help us fight the battle. Rather, He lifts us completely above the battlefield. When I pass something up to God, when I hand Him a problem, I trust totally that He will do with it what He thinks is best. I don’t just give my problem up to God for advice or micromanagement. Instead I consciously step out of the fears, judgments, and disappointments of my left brain and step into the faith of my Character 4.
I trust implicitly that God (the Infinite Being, the consciousness of the universe, my Character 4) has a bigger-picture view of my life than my left brain will ever understand. As a result, when I consciously choose to slip back into my most loving and peaceful self, I know God is handling the situation. When I choose to pass a problematic scenario up to God, I am not shirking my responsibility. I am merely shifting my perspective and choosing peace over fear and fret. This is the gift and power of the Brain Huddle, the Twelve Step Programs, and the Hero’s Journey. When we work these practices with commitment and offer our trust to the power of the universe, everything changes in our lives and we feel better, because we have shifted which brain circuitry we are running.
As I shared with you in Chapter 4, when my father was 80, he flipped and spiraled a cute little Miata. He did not die that day, but I became his primary caregiver for the next 16 years. In response to his need, my Character 1 came online to protect my dad and tend to him. If you have ever been a caregiver, you know the high toll that stress can take on your peace of heart and mind. In my case, although I felt that I carried all of the responsibility, I actually had very little power over his behavior. Caught up in discontent because of his new physical limitations, Hal’s disgruntled
Character 2 showed up without any gratitude for my efforts, even though I was doing my best to show up as a Soft Character 1.
When my father was not pleased with the decisions I was making on his behalf, his Character 2 would growl at me. My Character 2 would then become resentful that he would choose to be hostile toward my Character 1 rather than express gratitude with his Character 4 for my efforts. I was volunteering to perform a duty that fell to me, so a little gratitude and support would have gone a long way to help me feel appreciated. You have probably had a similar experience.
During that time, that Marianne Williamson sermon saved my sanity, as it was my constant companion on daily walks. I needed desperately to find a healthy way to neutralize the hostility between me and my dad, so I gave the problem up to my Character 4 consciousness and stopped ruminating about our problems. Instead of sparring as two Character 2s, I invited my dad to a painting class so our Character 3s could have some fun together. Stepping into my Character 4 consciousness when managing my dad issues didn’t just embolden me in the battle, it lifted me above the battlefield. Gaining this assistance outside my left-brain judgment and pain generated a path for us to stay connected in light of our changed circumstances and fragile emotions.
WE ARE ALL RECOVERING
The entire focus of this chapter has been about how we might influence and promote the health and well-being of our own brain (and brain cells) so we can create healthy connections with others, and ultimately become healthy, contributing members of society. At the level of the Four Characters, the process of recovery is the same for everyone, regardless of what promotes the disconnection, be it an addiction or an emotional pain.
Day by day we are all living our lives and facing our own unique challenges. Incorporating these tools into our daily routine and choosing to live a healthy life in which we practice the Brain Huddle when we don’t need it strengthens that circuitry so that we have it available to us when we do need it. For those who are using the Twelve Step Program, repeating Steps 10, 11, and 12 on a regular basis mimics the internal reflection of our Four Characters when they are gathered in the Brain Huddle.
Whether we are recovering from an addiction, hurt feelings, a stubbed toe, or the loss of a loved one, we have the ability to take a personalinventory and reflect upon our individual journey during every moment of our lives. When we choose to step into the consciousness of our loving and compassionate Character 4, we not only feel loved and worthy of that love but we dissolve into the all-knowingness that we are that love. Our number one job as living beings is to love one another, and we do this best by first loving ourselves and then connecting with the other. In addition, when we allow each other the dignity of our own pain, we grow.
COMING UP NEXT
Ultimately this book has been about the evolution of the human brain toward whole-brain living and how we can use the Brain Huddle to purposely increase the number of cellular connections we have between each of our Four Characters. Once our Four Characters find their way into the Brain Huddle, we can then consciously shift between those different modules of circuitry, at will, and choose with ease who and how we want to be.
In the following chapter we will take a bird’s-eye look at the profound impact technology has made on the evolution of our human brain over the last century. More specifically, we will explore the overall impact technology has made on the prevalence of our Four Characters as they show up in the different generations, helping explain the phenomenon of our generational gaps .
When we better understand and relate to the values and behaviors of those who are different from us, we can learn to connect with them by focusing on our similarities rather than our differences. Whether it be neurons in our brain, people in our family, or those who are on the opposite side of our socioeconomic or political aisle, connection takes energy and effort, and in the big picture, it enriches our lives. When we choose peace within us, and we choose peace between us regardless of our differences, our brains evolve.